I can't put my finger on one thing that's mad me this miserable. A collection of events and traumas that combined to push me to the edge of the cliff that I hang upon. My father getting sick, him attempting to leave this world multiple times, being compared with everyone around me, comparing myself to everyone, feeling like a loser. Just a plain loser who can't do anything right. I don't know anymore if I have the right to be in pain considering my blessings. I have family, I have friends, I have a home and food to eat and clothes to wear. I believe in God so Great and Loving. And yet the problem is me. I am unable to move on from myself. I am my own trauma, my own pain, my own setback, my own hurdle. I can't ever become successful because I am stupid. And I can't do anything properly. I want it to end, the pain. But life is too precious to end, I know that now. Seeing my father constantly slipping away from me like sand through my fingertips was enough to ruin all that I had worked towards, I can't do the same to everyone else. But this pain... the insecurity, the comparison, the doubts and worries and anxieties. I don't know how to bear it all alone. Neither do I know how to share my pain without being a burden. I want to be free. I want to go home. Just where that is, I don't know.