do you ever feel so numb that nothing seems to matter anymore? I have a loving and kind family, I'm lucky to have that. why do I still feel so numb? I've tried being happy, it was nice but it didn't last long. I wish it did. a bit ago I told my parents about the numbness, they told me it would be ok and I just had to push through it. why am I stuck? why can't I move on from the numbness? I know why the numb feeling is there. people let me down. friends bullied me. even my body doesn't like me. I couldn't eat foods everyone else could, my mom told me I was special. I couldn't enjoy having cake on my birthday, or candy on Halloween. only because I was special. I'm the oddball in my family. everyone has brown hair and eyes. I have blonde hair and blue eyes. they could eat anything. I couldn't have sugar gluten or dairy. I hate it. why do I have to be different? why can't I fit in? I hate myself. my body grosses me out. my brain grosses me out. everything about me grosses me out. I wanna be happy. I wanna be happy so bad, why can't I? my head hurts. everything hurts.