i dont feel anything anymore. i will cry and dig my nails into my skin and need to scream, and then boom.nothing.im empty.i dont know why, or what to do. bipolar 1 runs in my family, but im so young. i feel like im faking it, although i know im not. maybe its just teen angst and laziness. maybe not. but im tired of just chalking it up to hormones. im lost and confused and scared and im running from something that i dont know how to defeat.how can you beat a monster you dont understand?i used to not think anything of it, just thinking it was what happened to everyone after they finished breaking into pieces. until it happened at school. i was having fun with my friends and then suddenly im a raging, empty black hole, sucking out all my emotion and energy. i got so tired that day, i couldnt even fake a smile for them. im a people pleaser, so normally i laugh with people and smile at them no matter what, but that day was a major turning point. ever since then, ive lost energy so much quicker than usual. im on the verge on breaking, tearing down a bit of my true self every day till one day theres going to be nothing left but and empty shell of a person. a girl who used to light up the room with her smile, who could make anyone laugh and cheer anyone up.shes gone.its me now.sorry if im not enough.