I recently had my first kiss at 18 which i feel is a little too late with a person that's older than me and has more experience in relationships. I feel insecure all the time about his past and that i won't measure up. In addition to this i lied to him and my friends about kissing people in the past so they won't judge me. I feel sick because I'm living a constant lie and that i never had a normal teenage childhood with relationships and happiness that other people did i regret and obsess over it so much because i had the chance to date and i didn't take it. Now I'm a novice and people will always see me as inexperienced. I'm more concerned because this relationship is getting pretty serious and i wanted to be casual but ig I'm falling in love but because of my inexperience i don't feel like an equal to there's always a black cloud when I see if this relationship can work in the long run. I had a pretty terrible childhood with abusive parents so it's tough for me love someone which i was i restrained from kissing people or saying yes when people asked me out in high school but now i regret it so much. I used to be so obsessed with escaping school and living my life when i was free but i failed to consider that other people would've already done the things I'll do later which would make me insecure.