I’ve been in love with this kid for years. And of course his straight? He’s never been with a woman and never a man. He’s a guy that knows a lot... and sometime a lot can be a lot haha. I’ve liked thus guy for 5-6 years now and even made the attempt to tell him how I feel, and was instantly shot down. One because of our friend group, and his best friend basically told him to say no. I know how this works and I hate for him to go based off something someone else says. All I wanted was a date if it didn’t work out I know it wouldn’t. But a chance is all I really wanted. I’ve been pushing him out my mind slowly for a year but some how something he does just brings him right back. He’s such a sweet and caring guy and I feel that we can go far but I know with everything going on in our friend group he will never give me that chance. I felt we had a chance many times before New Years 2020 the year of pain and loneliness we kissed for almost 5 min straight while cuddled up on the porch. And he told me he would date me but blamed the alcohol and that’s not the first occurrence. It’s almost time for me to move with 2 months of being his roommate. Two more months of torture, two more months of look at me, two more months of get out of my head. Then I won’t look back. Try to move on, try to fill the void of my broken heart of not being able to have the chance to see what could happen without outside interference. Not only that but I can make him make his decision. Onlyhe can. I guess it’s just the fear of being alone, the fear of not being able to have a chance, or even the fear of telling someone how I feel just to get stepped on. Rejection hurts and I can get over it, it’s just the fear of it continuing is always a step behind me.