People nowadays search on google for answers to their questions. I do that especially those concerning food. Year by year, my obsession of clean eating became more prominent. However, it wasn't until I got diagnosed with PTSD and severe anxiety that I got to know that I am orthorexic. To some people this may seem an unneeded obsession but to some it consumes them. I am one of them. I am one of those who feel extremely guilty to the point of feeling literally sick, I am the one who gets so severely inflamed and bloated that I do not want to see people let alone talk to them. I am the one who feels that no one understands me but I can't stop talking about what I am feeling just so maybe I feel a bit better. I get so consumed that I can't even think or function properly. I worry about every little bite and punish myself with excessive training only to get hungrier. I try to starve myself to make up for the extra bites or extra piece of chocolate. It is easy to say don't care but I DO. I do care and I KNOW facts but I CAN'T seem to accept them. My mind is stubborn. I do have therapy sessions only to sometimes feel hopeless. I feel like I do feel better 1 day and go back 10 steps the other. My family tell me to let it go, don't drag it, it is what it is , I have to accept it. Well, I can't and I won't accept it not because I don't want to get better but my mind doesn't let me. I try and I try hard every single second of the day which is pretty exhausting. I just hope they know what goes on in my mind so maybe just maybe they could understand how tiring it can be. There was I time when I knew if I got bloated or ate more was due to the fact that my period was coming or because I was retaining fluid and I do long for those moments back but they seem so far away. I feel like most of the time I can't function well. I recently realized that i haven't eaten a burger in 2 years which is absurd. I have been in recovery for a few months now but I can't count on how many times I relapse, feel so overwhelmed with guilt that if I could I would throw up. I feel so overly tired.....
2 months ago
Re: Orthorexia recovery.
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