I need more venting. I know probably nobody will ever read this, so what does it matter? That phrase from the Bible has been ringing in my mind, "vengeance is mine; I will repay".I don't think God normally takes matters into his own hands. But I was a guest in a home and my hosts caused me great harm. I'm not exaggerating when I say I wish one of them had just raped me instead.At first, I swore vengeance. And I meant it. Legally. I made it very clear I could ruin their lives within the limits of the law. And I would.But I am a religious man. I'm not perfect. Every priest is also a human person with character flaws and everything else that goes along with being born in a human body.I thought it over, and I remembered that phrase from the Bible. "Vengeance is mine; I will repay". So I told them they will receive no vengeance from me. I will let God repay. During that moment, I knew it was up to me whether I could forgive or not. I did not forgive. I tried for a moment. But I did not forgive. I almost feel sorry for them now. Because I've read what God can do, what He will do if he feels wrathful. And disrespecting a guest you invited into your home is something that God historically does not like. God has destroyed cities for that.I won't exact any vengeance myself. It took me a while to get there. At first I was planning to do it. I won't. Vengeance belongs to God. I will let him repay. That is what it means to be a priest, by the way. It means you don't just immediately act on your feelings. You think it over. You pray. You consult God. And you try to do the right thing.I also want to kill myself. And I also know God does not want that. I'm trying to think of other options. I don't know any. But I don't want to make my mother cry over me. So I will try to figure out something else. But I don't know why I have to do it. Why do I have to just exist even though it is so painful. And even though everyone seems to want me gone except just two people. Just my mom and one other person.