Last year my life was doing better, I was happier for once. I had a few friends that i enjoyed being around, I wasn't getting in my head thinking that they hated me or didn't like me. It was nice, I finally felt good. I lived with my best friend I didn't like my job that much, but it wasn't bad. I would go home and it would be okay because my friend would make it better by either us playing video games, driving around, or visiting our other friend. Then this guy showed up at my job and that is where it begins. It didn't start out bad it was just I had another friend to talk to and hang out with. He quickly became a best friend. He was only in town because of a job and I knew he wasn't going to be there that long so I didn't want to get too attached. He got in trouble with his parents and got kicked out of the camper he was living in and so I said he could stay with us until he fixed things with his parents. So going home from work was even better, I was having so much fun and being myself for once. I thought things were good.I came home one day and my best friend and new friend were super close. It didn't all of a sudden happen it was happening I just tried to push it aside and fun.It felt as if they didn't want me around because I was c0ck blocking. So instead of me going home from work and hanging out and destressing I would just go to my room and be alone, or go riding around by myself. They didn't seem to notice I was gone so I thought that is when I started to get in my head a lot. I noticed the people we hung out together never called to hang out with me again. I went from having 4 friends to having 0 very quickly. I started to think like "whats wrong with me?" " why do people not want to be around me". The new friend that moved in started to date my best friend. Don't get me wrong I am happy for both of them, I feel bad for thinking this, but I think that is I hadn't invited him to hang out I would still be happy and I would still have friends. He had to move for his job again so he wasn't around that much and I thought things would get better, but I was wrong. She still would blow me off for him. I felt so alone and I hated myself because I thought something wrong with me and it was my fault I didn't friends. I would drive around at night after my shift at work bawling my eyes and I started to notice I would dig my nails into my arms so hard that I would start bleeding. Then one day at work I stole a box cutter blade and I kept it I didn't really want to use it, I held onto it thinking I wouldn't use because I would be too scared. I was wrong a few days later i ended up cutting my arm. I feel so stupid for doing so, I just wanted to focus on a different pain, I wanted to stop thinking about all the things wrong with me. I cut myself a few more times until I realized how stupid I was. I had a Gatorade bottle in my car so I wrapped the blade up and put it in the bottle. I then threw it away. Some time went by I started feeling better hanging out with my family not being home, i got a different job that i was happy at. Things were looking up.One night my roommate and i got into a fight and the next day i got an application started for an apartment. I started to pack and two weeks later i moved in to my new apartment. So I lost all my friends but i lived myself had my family and had a good job. I was doing better. its now one year later i have moved again, I now live 3 hours away from the town still have no friends, i know dont have my family to go to everyday, but i still have the same amazing job. This isnt me saying im happy now. I am happier now but i still want to know what is wrong with me, i cant make friends, i left my "support group" and im sad most days. im not hurting myself though and i dont know how this story got here. i just felt like saying all of this to get it off my chest so i can feel a little better. its super long i doubt anyone will read it but i shall publish it for funzies, thanks for reading about my problems.