All my life I have felt like I don't fit in. I was the outcast at school and even when I had so called friends they made me feel like the outcast. I've only had one good boyfriend my entire life. The other guys were just bums, losers, liars, and cheaters. When I go out in public, even just at the store I feel somewhat ashamed of myself for some reason. I feel that people are staring and judging me. I get uncomfortable in crowds. I avoid even family gatherings. What's wrong with me? I'm a good person. I was made fun of by my peers in school. They were always telling me that I was ugly. I grew up with never fully getting over the verbal trauma they put me through. My self-esteem still suffers. I look in the mirror and sometimes think about how many things I want to change physically. I get blonde highlights, but I wish I was natural blonde, green eyes, and a much better looking body. I know there's more to life than looks but I sometimes wonder what it feels like to be pretty.