lately i feel so lost no one to talk to me, all my friends ignore me, it’s almost like i have the plague. once i found my someone they leave. i’m the therapist friend, it’s like i have to always ask if their okay and how their day was. but i never get the same treatment. i’m a ghost, or at least i feel like it.
the only person i let out my feelings to, can’t talk back they just listen. i’m grateful for him, it’s just like when i do lose my favourite person the the world, i’ll be lost.
i like to think of myself as a nice, caring and kind person, but sometimes we need to be loved for once not be an outsider, that’s what i feel like. almost like i’m a planet revolving around the sun. yes i know that they also revolve around me, but it never feels like that.
once i stop revolving. i break down and decompose, and almost die, in the inside of course. yet the sun is still alive helping the other planets stay alive but not me.
i always have so much pressure to be the strong one in life, but i’m the weakest, never opening up to anyone, but once i do they say i’m too annoying and i say too much, vice versos.
i just wish that people would actually acknowledge that i’m here, i know that i’m quiet and all but i’m there okay.
sometimes the people who look the strongest are really the weakest….
sacrifice is the word that really describes my life, i do so much for people, i am my parents, my brothers, and my friends number one supporters but really it feels like my parents are the only ones who actually try, most of the time at least.
sitting with my friends i’m an outsider, everyone laughs, cries and listen to each other, then there’s me.
just a annoying, weird teen who cares way too much about what people think of me. always hiding from the truth, thinking that everyone hates me, and so on.
right now i think that.
when i think i find someone who actually cares to listen and talk to me. they shut me out, and move on with their lives.
i’m just a charity case; i think to myself, no one likes me, i’m going to be alone forever.
just some teen who cares too much. i do. i care so much that it’s kinda defeating me, my mental health. everything i enjoy to do my “friends” think are weird.
when i’m alone with my friends it’s paradise, i actually feel safe and cares about for once. the. the next minute someone else comes by and once again.
i’m an outsider.
i always think am i my best friends best friend or is there a whole list of more important less weird best friends before me. why am i always the last option. always sitting alone a lunch with thousands of eyes on me. they all probably think i’m some loner with no friends.
most of the time i think that too.
i sacrifice so much to be loved, so so much. but i never get the same treatment. the saying “treat people like you want to be treated” has stuck by me my whole life. yet i feel like others do t get the memo. almost they here the saying like “treat people how they aren’t there”.
the silent treatment, everyone says that they want to be alone, but for me, i just want to be with my family and friends, to be with people who think i’m not some charity case.
i just want to be loved.