I am still in love with my first love. Granted, I am such a soft romantic that I consider myself to be in love with all of my friends. This one is... slightly different though. He was my first boyfriend in middle school. I'm still infuriatingly close to his mom, and even went to his siblings wedding a few years ago.
I am an adult(obviously) and I'm the polar opposite of a jealous/possessive person. I refuse to believe that love should be restricted, and I've only ever dated people I thought were cool as people. This has led to many of my exes becoming my close friends, this man included.
Anyway, to the point. He visits my town periodically to visit/check in on me/escape his life for a second. (Both of our romantic partners are aware of these visits of course, this isn't a story about cheating; it's a story about love.)
Well he came to visit last week and I happened to be housesitting a nice home in a nicer neighborhood, so he just stayed with me there. It was so wonderful. We played video games, stayed up way too late, cooked eachother food, fell asleep watching movies. A classic slumber party. It was a blast, but it reminded me what it's like to be with someone that really "speaks your language".
To be able to communicate so naturally, to be around someone that knows exactly how you think and how best to compliment that style with their own... it's a unique bond that is palpable even to strangers. The postman, bartender, drunks outside the bar, even the cashier at the gas station thought we were together or atleast hooking up.
We didn't.(remember what I said) nor do I think I explicitly wanted to, but when he leaves it's like I want to fuse our bodies together, I want him to kiss me rather than just hug me tighter and longer as his deep voice shakes my eardrum.
I don't believe we will end up together, nor do I want to. But the guilt that I remain so extremely close with him does fill me with guilt for my partner, whom I love very deeply and if fully aware of all of this. He tends to laugh when I bring up my guilt, because he says I'm describing true friendship and if a romantic relationship tears that away, then that's the one I need to drop. Idk