Over doing things

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I hate myself, all i ever do is lash out at people and i have no self control. Ive given up apologising because i always get shut down and no one ever listens to me when i try to open up about it, i started to cut myself a year ago because i was angry at myself. Ive been clean ever since but school is sending me back into a loophole of stress and my patience with anyone or anything is just vanishing, i want to be better but i dont know how much longer i can last until i fall back into bad habits again. I feel like everyone around me are just dissapointed, every time i try to pick myself back up and put in effort i get kicked down again and told to do better and im sick of trying to reach these expectations when im already giving it my all.

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