i am over having to choose between family and friends, which essentially means between family and me. meanwhile i am poor and cannot do anything to just start my own path. ive always been suicidal and just when i thought i was getting better, covid fucking killed every single droplet of hope i had left inside me for the future. i spent my teenage and young adulthood years trying to battle various mental issues, such as depression and ocd and death in family and trying to be a good kid and now that i was finally about to start spreading my wings and actually live a little, bam here comes a fucking pandemic, out of everything that couldve possibly happen. fuck this shit. fuck it. i am done.