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Overthinking

I came here to write my mind, without rethinking a single thought but here i sit overthinking about what to write.

my heart aches only because of the thoughts and not the actions, the actions are amplified by the thoughts in my mind, hitting me beat by beat. I do know how to love, how to trust and how to live, but those moments can be ruined by the thoughts in my head. I trust myself -my potential to carve out my future, i believe that i can sculpt the woman i want to be but the thoughts in my head, they make my step slower. I trust my fiancé ( i am 18), i love him more than anything, he is my everything which seems so unnatural to people since it is the age of moving on, cheating and temporary and i have lived that life but it has changed, but it still scares me that he may find someone else, even know i know i am right for him and he is for me. He has lived a life that one only reads in stories of betrayal but found me to be a constant, calls me home. I still have thoughts but it’s slowly changing, the core is what keeps us stable, my core for the trust i have for him is stable, but the years of betrayal, cheating and instability has led me to have thoughts once in a while.

so this is for someone who suffers from overthinking, it takes one breath at a time and not to distract rather than self assure, to believe that the outcome will not be your worst fear, and in order to believe you have to make yourself believe.

love,

retiring overthinker