It hurts. Everyday I wake up with regret thinking why did I open it again. My studies are supposed to be my first priority but I am doing everything other than studying. What am I studying? I do do not know. Why am I studying? Even a bigger I DON'T KNOW. I don't know what to do. My family is falling apart. I, being the oldest among of the two have to suck up everything an live life normally. I am tired. I have no one to reach out to and I am no brave enough to end my miserable life with my own hands. I don't know where am I heading to but I can guarantee that it is set to ruin my already ruined life. I am been in this constant downward spiral that I have lost hope in any positive event in life. I know that the only way out is death, but how can I reach it without much pain. I know it because I am the one link that is keeping the family together, but I have no other value.