Hello to anyone reading this, and for privacy purposes, lets just say my name is Silver. I have a more complicated life than most, but also the simplest anyone could wish for. Why is that? Well, I don't expect you to care or for you to understand, I would just like you to listen. There are some things that I need to say, and I can't go on without saying them. Most people would think I have depression if they heard my story. But I don't think that's it, because I am happy sometimes. In fact, I seem always happy on the outside. I have perfect grades, loving parents, and caring friends. However, that's not there is to life right? You have to achieve something, be someone, and I don't know who I am. There are somedays where I think of killing myself and how easy it would be, and other days where I couldn't possibly feels stronger. Those days where I am sad are my most vulnerable, even though I don't let it show. I don't tell anyone, how much it truly hurts, only giving in part of the pain to my sister, who experiences some of the same thing as well. It's different for her, though. It isn't that she's been through a lot, it's that she's not strong enough to handle any of it. Her problem can easily be fixed, and I sense it already is in the process of. But for me, I don't know my problem. Why am I sad? I have a couple theories of course, but don't defiantly know. To begin with, I'm not good enough. Especially because of distant learning(this was written in the year 2020), I have been feeling myself slip and become more irresponsible by the day. I stopped practicing cello as much, and also Chinese. I got better once, but as soon as that happened I fell down again. And it's not even that. I need to be the best at everything, simply because I'm so close to. Many people think that people at the top have it easy when it comes to life, but it's not. You see, you are never perfect. No matter how good you are at something, there is always something you can improve on. People close to perfect agonize over their imperfections until it drives them mad. And yes, I would say that I am close to perfect. I hate it, and sometimes I wish I wasn't. The people in the average section have it easy, not stressing, and actually being happy in life. Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of time to practice cello and fix my Chinese grades. But one of my imperfections lie in not getting myself to do something. I am probably the strongest person I know willfully, and I can't get myself to do it, making me doubt myself. I trick myself into thinking it will be okay, but it won't. I am stressed of not being stressed and tired of not being tired. Honestly it drains the life out of you, and is one of the worst feelings in the world. Another theory of mine is that I am undecided. I know that me having good grades will land me in a high collage and eventually a job in the office, but I'm not sure I want that. When I was little, it was exactly what I wanted; earning money, living in a mansion, and dying old with grandkids by my bedside. But as I grew, I found I had a talent in color and designing. I can feel a certain balance in things, and how to make it better. I've always known I was meant to do something in life, like I had a purpose, but I've never known what it was. When I read Harry Potter, there was a certain point where I went almost mental with grief that I wasn't in the Wizarding World. If I was there, it would be so easy! I've always had a thing for heroics, and could use my smarts and quick learning to get myself a job as an aurour, capturing dark wizards and such. Life would be an adventure, whereas in the real world all I could hope to achieve is getting rich. Money is the name of the game, and I hate it. There is no possibility of anything exciting or mysterious happening, and I already know where my future might take me. I hate the real world, and I hate life. But that's the way it is, isn't it? I can't change it, and neither can you. I just hope I can change someone's perspective by writing this. The purpose of this article is not to persuade you to pity me, or reply, or whatever it is that's popular. The purpose of this article is to maybe help you understand yourself, and to know you are not alone. Maybe you can use this knowledge to help a friend or family member. Feeling alone and out of place, with no one to confide to? This is where I seek my sanctuary, and I really hope it helps me control my emotions as much as it might help you. I'm not sure if there is anyone to confide to, if there is I haven't found them yet, and really have no hope of changing the future. I am just a depressed lunatic, and don't even know why. I haven't been through nearly as much as other depressed kids have, and yet I am here, writing an article about how sad my life is. I don't want pity, so please don't give me any. And I also know that killing myself is not an option, because it would harm others more than it would harm myself. So for now, I just need to hang on tight and fight through the pain. Written by, Silver

Hello to anyone reading this, and for privacy purposes, lets just say my name is Silver. I have a more complicated life than most, but also the simplest anyone could wish for. Why is that? Well, I don't expect you to care or for you to understand, I would just like you to listen. There are some things that I need to say, and I can't go on without saying them. Most people would think I have depression if they heard my story. But I don't think that's it, because I am happy sometimes. In fact, I seem always happy on the outside. I have perfect grades, loving parents, and caring friends. However, that's not there is to life right? You have to achieve something, be someone, and I don't know who I am. There are somedays where I think of killing myself and how easy it would be, and other days where I couldn't possibly feels stronger. Those days where I am sad are my most vulnerable, even though I don't let it show. I don't tell anyone, how much it truly hurts, only giving in part of the pain to my sister, who experiences some of the same thing as well. It's different for her, though. It isn't that she's been through a lot, it's that she's not strong enough to handle any of it. Her problem can easily be fixed, and I sense it already is in the process of. But for me, I don't know my problem.Why am I sad? I have a couple theories of course, but don't defiantly know. To begin with, I'm not good enough. Especially because of distant learning(this was written in the year 2020), I have been feeling myself slip and become more irresponsible by the day. I stopped practicing cello as much, and also Chinese. I got better once, but as soon as that happened I fell down again. And it's not even that. I need to be the best at everything, simply because I'm so close to. Many people think that people at the top have it easy when it comes to life, but it's not. You see, you are never perfect. No matter how good you are at something, there is always something you can improve on. People close to perfect agonize over their imperfections until it drives them mad. And yes, I would say that I am close to perfect. I hate it, and sometimes I wish I wasn't. The people in the average section have it easy, not stressing, and actually being happy in life. Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of time to practice cello and fix my Chinese grades. But one of my imperfections lie in not getting myself to do something. I am probably the strongest person I know willfully, and I can't get myself to do it, making me doubt myself. I trick myself into thinking it will be okay, but it won't. I am stressed of not being stressed and tired of not being tired. Honestly it drains the life out of you, and is one of the worst feelings in the world. Another theory of mine is that I am undecided. I know that me having good grades will land me in a high collage and eventually a job in the office, but I'm not sure I want that. When I was little, it was exactly what I wanted; earning money, living in a mansion, and dying old with grandkids by my bedside. But as I grew, I found I had a talent in color and designing. I can feel a certain balance in things, and how to make it better. I've always known I was meant to do something in life, like I had a purpose, but I've never known what it was. When I read Harry Potter, there was a certain point where I went almost mental with grief that I wasn't in the Wizarding World. If I was there, it would be so easy! I've always had a thing for heroics, and could use my smarts and quick learning to get myself a job as an aurour, capturing dark wizards and such. Life would be an adventure, whereas in the real world all I could hope to achieve is getting rich. Money is the name of the game, and I hate it. There is no possibility of anything exciting or mysterious happening, and I already know where my future might take me. I hate the real world, and I hate life. But that's the way it is, isn't it? I can't change it, and neither can you. I just hope I can change someone's perspective by writing this.The purpose of this article is not to persuade you to pity me, or reply, or whatever it is that's popular. The purpose of this article is to maybe help you understand yourself, and to know you are not alone. Maybe you can use this knowledge to help a friend or family member. Feeling alone and out of place, with no one to confide to? This is where I seek my sanctuary, and I really hope it helps me control my emotions as much as it might help you. I'm not sure if there is anyone to confide to, if there is I haven't found them yet, and really have no hope of changing the future. I am just a depressed lunatic, and don't even know why. I haven't been through nearly as much as other depressed kids have, and yet I am here, writing an article about how sad my life is. I don't want pity, so please don't give me any. And I also know that killing myself is not an option, because it would harm others more than it would harm myself. So for now, I just need to hang on tight and fight through the pain.Written by, Silver

Hey I'm now in a mess too, I mean I'm having everything or I'm having the best I can but I don't know why I'm still not paying much attention to them or to focus in something that can make me know who I'm and why I'm here. Of course we're not alone. Now I have a girlfriend I promissed to stay with her, we just know each other online, and I'm helping her with her mental problems and all kind of problems when I don't even know how to fix mine. I promissed to go by her side and now that's the only thing I want, to be honest. She thinks I'm gonna go on a travel for her to Serbia on November, but I didn't even buy the ticket, I was but... I know which ticket I'd like to buy but my money is decreasing now for family problems. But she's so excited, she's so happy to know that I'm going to her. I don't know how to say to her I may won't go. And every night now is really stressfull for me, I'm in panick. Since I told her I will go and she's standing on that, she says it's the only hope she has to be okay because before saying that to her, she was getting worst and worst with her menthal health. It's hurtful to know I may be laying to her. I don't know what to do. I don't wanna give up, I don't wanna lose her. I'm doing everything to get the money. Yes, I have but it's not enough to go and save her, at the same time she'll save me. God, we have a lot plans. I need a miracle to go the date I told her. She's my reason now. I'm working on going with her so I can be full of peace. That's why I don't wanna lose her. I just need that fly ticket so I can make her feel good, better or happy. She's the most precious angel althought she can't see herself. You know Silver, I can't count with my parents because they said it is not that important and it won't worth the money nor the time. But they don't know she's my girlfriend because I'm a girl too so they would really be mad at me and, like now, they won't help me in anything about meeting her. She can understand me so good and the only one that can make me feel better when everything is dark, she stayed with me she's staying with me and all my bad thoughs and bad acttitudes. She saved me 2 times. Now she needs me and I don't wanna lose her. I'm gonna do really whatever to go with her the date I told her. Really whatever. Thank you for reading me Silver. Nice to meet you.

Hey I'm now in a mess too, I mean I'm having everything or I'm having the best I can but I don't know why I'm still not paying much attention to them or to focus in something that can make me know who I'm and why I'm here.Of course we're not alone. Now I have  a girlfriend I promissed to stay with her, we just know each other online, and I'm helping her with her mental problems and all kind of problems when I don't even know how to fix mine.I promissed to go by her side and now that's the only thing I want, to be honest.She thinks I'm gonna go on a travel for her to Serbia on November, but I didn't even buy the ticket, I was but... I know which ticket I'd like to buy but my money is decreasing now for family problems. But she's so excited, she's so happy to know that I'm going to her. I don't know how to say to her I may won't go. And every night now is really stressfull for me, I'm in panick. Since I told her I will go and she's standing on that, she says it's the only hope she has to be okay because before saying that to her, she was getting worst and worst with her menthal health. It's hurtful to know I may be laying to her. I don't know what to do. I don't wanna give up, I don't wanna lose her. I'm doing everything to get the money. Yes, I have but it's not enough to go and save her, at the same time she'll save me. God, we have a lot plans. I need a miracle to go the date I told her. She's my reason now. I'm working on going with her so I can be full of peace. That's why I don't wanna lose her. I just need that fly ticket so I can make her feel good, better or happy. She's the most precious angel althought she can't see herself.You know Silver, I can't count with my parents because they said it is not that important and it won't worth the money nor the time. But they don't know she's my girlfriend because I'm a girl too so they would really be mad at me and, like now, they won't help me in anything about meeting her. She can understand me so good and the only one that can make me feel better when everything is dark, she stayed with me she's staying with me and all my bad thoughs and bad acttitudes. She saved me 2 times. Now she needs me and I don't wanna lose her. I'm gonna do really whatever to go with her the date I told her. Really whatever.Thank you for reading me Silver. Nice to meet you. 