3 months ago
Time Spent- 1h 41m
6 Visitors

painfull

I wonder if he ever loved me or does he just thinks its love never felt like it did to him iam just an other friend but a much comfortable one probably a fuck buddy although we dint actually fuck (because of me ) everything he does feels only lust i just couldn't giveup damn i feel so clingy he has this weird principles from back that it should be one girl one marriage irrespective of if ur happy or not or if u love the person or not i feel maybe thats the only thing keeping him from stopping this anymore i had been alone all my childhood because of stupid expectations and all from my parents i was always caged mostly and neither did my cousins bothered my very existence although it becomes a cause sometimes in keeping me awake at nights i really dont care anymore so beein alone all the time or the right word socially awkward i had always though maybe i would hve problems with my future so so so i thought of stayin away from getting commited or marriage but i ended up falling in one relationship ! it took a lot of time for me to actually believe iam in love but after i did i just keep thinkin is he because everytime i think of it or talk tl him all i get is how he wants me in bed or want he wants to do with be in the future as a wife sometimes i just cant take this i just feel so worse i hate my self for beein a girl i tried talkin to him about it for like many times but hes so clever he turns things as of they are my fault and me doin something else that he dint like would probably be the reason iam too tired of this and also i love this guy because he also have this good side to him but in general most of the times this how he behaves i feel like probably i dont know how to deal with guys i probably dont know but the this is killin me it had a very bad effect on me since past 6 months i have gone super crazy and my health is effected at a worse state nd i get this random headaches in the end of the day thinking about all this i try to control myself i loose it all when he texts me when ever i talk to him about this i feel like things might change and he would love me or show it atleast or maybe atleast know that he have for me or had i really dont know fuck i feel so lonely i was alone before but never felt it this much than before i used it before to emotionally build myself now nothing seems to help although i try a lot his one text or once he calls my name im done i keep feelin that he might show it now or somethng better than what i had before would happen but nothing seems to happen since the past three years he says i changed but he changed the most and now he wants me to only listen to want he wants me to do i really hate seeing my self like that i dont know what to do i am gonna go crazy mixed up

in this shit