Even though I am masking it, I could feel my mental state crumbling and weakening. It’s not a state where I am depressed, it is more of a state where I am pissed at the world. There is so much happening this year that it is getting the best of me. In my understanding, being quarantined waiting for comfortable job openings opens a lot of opportunities like improving in general. My goal was to gain muscle mass along with having more of a toned body. Sadly, I somehow injured my ankle to a point where my motivation is lacking. Lately I have been coping by purchasing unnecessary things, which could hurt me financially in the long run. I am in college and it hurts me because this is my time to shine. A time to go out and about, exploring new things like possible long term relationships. I was excited until the riots started, which I think is a bunch of nonsense. Even though it is not my place of judging, it definitely irritates me. Despite me talking to my friends with similar beliefs, I still feel alone. Many sees me as a go getter with killer instincts, but I have yet to find someone who I could just speak my mind too. I have bottled my thoughts for the majority of my life, and I think it is slowly hurting me. I am letting temptations get to me because my opportunities are limited. Some may recommend me going out, but in reality I know I can’t. If I were to go out, I would risk others I love of probably getting Covid. I would rather be safe than sorry.