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As a woman, how do you love a man the way you should after a lifetime of terrible experiences with men? After realising that over half of my encounters with men were actually cases of molestation, manipulation to the point where I feel bad for saying no and I'm left viewing myself as weaker being for it. feeling like fight a man with the threat of his physical strength is futile, it doesn't help that I live in a country that has the highest cases of femicide world wide.

I met him 10 months ago. We've been together for 7 and a large portion of that has not been fun for him. He's had to battle so many of my part demons that it's sucked out the life in him. He's the greatest man I've ever met. More than any relative or friendship yet my hatred for men refuses to let me love him with all there is in me. I started the process of healing last year when I went to a silent meditation retreat and I know that set me on the right path. Negative, toxic traits were surfacing. I was becoming aware of them. I never anticipated meeting such a pure man but the demons that surfaced while I was with him I struggled to control. Because of me he has given up on us, I need to let go of my toxicity once and for all to save our relationship. I cannot lose him. I just can't.