2 months ago
Time Spent- 5m
11 Visitors

passionless

I'm an architecture student struggling to finish my work, and no it's not designer's block. I'm in third year now and I always thought this program is the one suited for me. But as we know, burnout in this program is not uncommon and I'm slowly feeling that as well. Instead of being inspired by other's creations, I feel nothing but anger and envy. I know I'm just bitter that some people are simply more creative than I am. All my past works, I am not proud of, and this current plate that I'm doing I am certain that it's going to be shit as always. But I cannot tell anyone of my feelings, I'm not even capable of "doing my best" so I have no right of expressing my feelings to those that do. No one can fix my problem, I'm simply bad at what I'm doing and I hate myself for it. I even avoid spending time with my "friends", knowing that I will just get distracted with my work. That's right, I'm even bad at making and keeping friends. I avoid asking for help because I know I cannot pay anyone back. Maybe it's because of my pride, I believe that if I cannot do simple task by myself I am worthless. I hate myself for not being good enough in everything that I do as well as my unwillingness to seek help. No one can make me a better person overnight anyways and that's the only thing I want. I wish I can just "accept myself for who I am", "be grateful for what I have", "acknowledge my weaknesses" and all that bullshit. I wish I can have something that I can be truly passionate about, and be proud of. I'm a hobby-less, unskilled waste of time, space, energy, and money.