Not An Apology:Narcissism, it’s definition is interest in or admiration in one self and one’s physical appearance. Lack of empathy for others, a need for admiration, sense of entitlement, exploits others without shame or guilt, shall I go on? These things don’t come out of the ordinary, but then again I am not a doctor nor a psychologist. Some sort of trauma, problem, action could have caused these things to happen. The person may not realize it because narcissism does that to you. It makes you think you are better than everyone and can do things better than anyone. Telling someone to wash the dishes but then goes on and does it for them because they aren’t doing it the right way. Tell me what is the right way to wash a dish? There are infinite amounts of ways to do them, there are no proven fact on how to do it. When seeing someone succeed they may feel happy but wants even more after. To overachieve, live through another person by making them the greatest, and connecting it through love and support. If you had love and support for one another you shouldn’t have anger when done something wrong or had 50% effort. Don’t control them like your puppet and throw a fit because they aren’t researching, training, or practicing 24/7. Narcissist never really admit why they do those things.\t Overtime you start to see peoples true colors, although that sounds super cliché it’s true. People get too comfortable and say what they actually mean. It gets to tipping point where everything over flows and spills all over the place. Suppressed feelings start to resurface and you remember all the things a person has done to you physically and mentally. Is it okay to treat an animal, a pet, a life that you care about with harm? Is it okay to mentally damage your own daughter, a child, a minor? When having kids, what are the things that go through your mind? Trying to build a family you can’t raise? Being a father takes on a great responsibility not financially but emotionally. Ask yourself this question, why do you want to have a child? The answer can not be because you want a family but another logical reason.“Even knowing that a child can negatively impact your finances, cut into your available time, disturb your romantic relationship, interrupt your career goals, kill your sleep, and raise your stress levels, and knowing the baby could possibly be born with a lifelong disease or disability that would mean a monumental commitment of time, money, and emotion on your part, you choose to do this?” That was from an article of the big question why do you choose to have children. The article continued and this had been brought up, “For some reason, whatever a child symbolizes has become more important than the child, itself.” https://medium.com/@kristentsetsi/why-do-you-want-children-and-other-questions-we-arent-supposed-to-ask-ced2fb19a6f3 (link to article) A life has been used to satisfy your wants, a human being with emotion. You must have no sole, no heart to do that to a child. \tIf you happen to raise a child what are the norms and responsibilities…having love and support? Is having your daughter sit at a piano bench, threaten her that she must not get up even to go to the bathroom, to play a piece correctly, not even 30 min go by and you get so upset you grab and shove her out off the bench, throw the piano book bc she presses the wrong note on the piano out of love and support? Is forcing your daughter to eat something she doesn’t want by shoving it in her mouth out of love and support? Is throwing, hitting, slapping, and kicking things around you while yelling at your daughter out of love and support? Is yelling at your daughter and while doing so your dog barks so you hit him to stop out of love and support? Is walking up to your daughter while yelling making her nervous where she must put her arms up to defend herself out of love and support? Is making your daughter hide her feelings bc you don’t like crying out of love and support? Is spanking your daughter for miss behaving out of love and support? Is having your child scared of you out of love and support? Is making your child uncomfortable to be around you out of love and support? Think long about all of these things. Are these morally correct? Do these actions justify your anger? Someone that has done this probably doesn’t remember half of it. It just magically disappears when they utter two words, “I’m sorry” along with “I love you very much” but if you loved them so much what over powered that love, that emotion to bring you to do those actions?\tWhen is it ever okay to hit a child? I believe kids should be great full for the things they have but to an extent. A man and a women are excited about starting a family, having their own daughter. With that comes having to feed them, provide clothes, shelter, and school. Those are the bare minimum. Don’t ask your child to praise you for giving the things they need. Don’t have your child praise you for giving them life when you simply could have stopped that from the beginning. If you wish to not have any hormones change the way your child acts, don’t have one in the first place. You cannot expect a child to be the things you want them to be. Humans are tricky, it takes a great deal to teach and raise. Some people have never yelled at their own father. They may be so afraid of what the father might do if the child proceeds to talk back. The child tries to hold their tongue when being yelled at. Responding with “okay” and “yes,” they stay silent for a while and always thought it was so disrespectful to talk back to parents. An outlet to the world through the internet brings up many good points that helps the child. Education on racism, sexism, stereotyping, and hypocrisy. How can you not stand up to people who have said racial slurs, have implied sexist things, stereotyped a group of people, and did things when said not to do them? All of the actions I’ve just listed are actions my father has done. Who can be with a man like this, someone who came to America to create a better life for himself...is the life you were looking for? I hope not, I hope that when you left your kids back in Peru, you promised you would go visit them. I hope that they aren’t holding a grudge on you because if I were them I wouldn’t want your occasional video chat or phone call. I wouldn’t even want you to be my father. I may not know your story of why you even left in the first place but from what I can gather I going to make an educated guess. You started a whole new life here to better yourself, make more money, get a job, and have the American dream, but you left the other part of your life. An unfinished one and you left the one you started just as much unfinished. My father has done nothing but break my self esteem. I can’t even think of the positive. Even on fathers day and his birthday I didn’t even want to praise him. I didn’t want to fuel his power because he didn’t deserve it. I remember being little and he asked me “Do you love me a little or a lot?” I hesitated, I couldn’t say a little because I was afraid that he might get angry so I replied with “a lot” because that’s what he wanted to hear. It is certainly not what I wanted to say. I cry in the bathroom from time to time, covering my mouth to muffle the noise so no one can hear me. I cry because of suppressed feelings, things that happened in the moment, anger, pressure, anxiety, and sometimes all five. No one knows that I cry because I learned for myself it was a sign of weakness. I never cried when getting hurt, never cry at school, and never cry during soccer games. When I do cry I try not to get the tears on my face. I try to depute my eyes so no one will know. I look into the mirror and smile because when has Bella ever cried, she’s emotionless. I act like nothing ever happened.\tSo many other kids have it worse than I do. Whether they are poor, being raped, abused, have no home, physically in pain, and many more. I’m lucky enough to be closer to mentally stable. I can control my feelings pretty well and can mask my triggers. Others cannot, they are really sensitive and traumatized by what has happened to them. To those kids out there I truly have sympathy for you. No child should have to go through that. That’s why I ask why have a kid when you know you are not able to support, not able to be emotionally there for them. Yes, some people have no control over giving birth because they are raped and have no way of aborting the baby right away. Even then I hope the parent is more emotionally there than to have all the money in the world and not be around your child. By now I don’t even want to have a father figure. Women are so strong on their own. We can do more than the average male. The toxic trait of men in this world is so bad, women are afraid to go outside by themselves. Try to cover up their body so they don’t get cat called.