It will be there forever
haha. scared my friends. the only friends that i have. but im too young to understand. or as everyone says. just be strong. hold on. it will get better soon. but those are lies aren’t they. cause u cant tell that to someone who has been waiting almost their whole life. cause thats like telling cartoon characters to not fall asleep the second their parents turn off the light and close the door to say goodnight. i am growing up with a mother who doesn’t sugar coat things. and i always felt grateful for that. but i feel like it messed me up in a way. cause now i don’t know what to do. i think i understand. so now what? just wait around? get hurt more? patiently wait around for her to say that she feels the same? i have thought about telling her the truth. but i know she would just reject me. again. like last time. i get hurt one time. i thought that it would be over, right then and there. too bad it wasn’t. now i tear myself apart trying to figure out if she has changed her mind with all of the imaginary clues she gives me. who do i blame? im just a kid. im the most mentally unstable person i’ve ever met. who do i tell? cant tell her. i cant keep it in. almost lost myself when i tried to do that. so here is to the person who is understanding. people lie. people lie just for themselves. they lie for other people. but can we stop lying? it would be better it we stopped lying. cause we could experience the pain when we are told the truth. then just be okay with it. after while. but that’s not how it works is it? cause the lie is stopping us from the pain. we hate pain. pain has to go away or else we are disconnected from the fakers of the happy community. at least some people are truly happy. some of us aren’t. and what do the happy people do? the tell us it will be okay. they lie. pain is good. so stop ignoring it. thats only hurting you more. ask the pain what it wants. why its there. how did it come to be here. and try to solve it. to be a little happier. but it will probably never go away. you will still always cry every once in a while. because without pain we have nothing. we don’t have anything to learn from. so here. stop everything. close everything. block everything that makes a sense of light. sit down. and just think.