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Phantom Cuts

Phantom Cuts


Every night, when it hits that exact time

As usual by myself, always by myself

Never not by myself

The quite room, the noisy head

And the, thank God, distracting songs


It never fails tho

Those thoughts, i don’t know what

But i thinks it’s depressions

Creeping, accompanying me in loneliness


It never leave me alone in loneliness

It’s always there

Giving me these phantom cuts on my wrist

Phantom cuts that might come real


Even if I’m scared of blood

And can’t stand the thought of cutting flesh

But “it” makes me less afraid

So I always see phantom cuts

Just without the pain


And it might come real someday

“It” waits patiently for me to break

And sometimes I think I want to let it

Probably it’ll help me feel something

Other than numb and nothing


“It” also show me a hanging rope

But it’s not a pretty scene, so no

Another option are those tiny things

you usually drink on large dose...


But from the choice of pills I acquired

I only got a high chance of kidney failure

And hospital fees

Not on ending it all


CO2 intoxication also got presented

But I don’t know how, and I just want it easy

The only option left is accidental death

It doesn’t really matter

I never like this world anyway


I’m not afraid of death

But I’m afraid of God’s judgement

God is just and I know what have I done in this world

The Lord is the only good thing in this life

But I’m always so weak


I wanted a beautiful death

Beautiful and glorious one

But in this modern time, that’s a rarity

So now I’ll wait, I’ll take anything

For now I’ll settle with the phantom cuts in my head...