Please comment positive things 💕 I think I was raped or if I Yk but Idk

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one of my 2nd cousin came over and when stay the night when we sleep I took my pants off because it’s hot and he was slipping on the different side so yea.he came to my side when I was taking them off (idk why) He slips his Yk in me I kept pushing him off and keep doing it .then he gave me head and idk why but I just let him do it and Idk if I froze or not because Yk it hurt when slip the other thing in. Then you tried to slip it in again so I just push his head down because it .Now I regret because idk if he raped me or I had sex but I can’t stop thinking about it because I feel like horrible person and I’m saving myself for marriage. Can I please say I’m a virgin if we only did it for 5 secs .I hate his face I hate myself . I cry every day because I’m not a virgin but I think I am. I’m disgusted with myself. I can’t stop thinking about it’s been two years.

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