So, I've been shy and awkward my whole life (I'm 15). Everytime a guy has showed interest in me, I get very insecure for some reason and overthink the way I look as if I need to look better everytime they see me. Anyway, there is a guy who liked me for literally 2 years and I met him properly (even though we were in tge same year at school and same school) on a game. I was literally in love with him but we were both very frigid and awkward and hardly spoke in person. I ended it with him after like 4 or 5 months of speaking. It broke my heart but we're still very good mates (he acc comes in later). So that was last year. This year, I met someone in person randomly who ended up 'liking me' and I eventually liked them back. All of sudden I had my first kiss with him, was happy with him and honestly felt quite confident. So he told me he was 19, few weeks later 23, and now (I do not have anything to do with him anymore (kind of) ) 31. This man, who was the first person I have shown affection to, raped me under a tunnel. The rape was 'anal penetration' and his dick only went in once as i managed to get off him. I was saying no repeatedly, pushing him off whilst he was pulling my hair. I really didn't fully realise what had happened to me about a week later when I heard taht he had raped some under age girls in the same place he did it to me. I told my bestfriend. I also told the guy who was my first love and cried to him on a game. I am so sad like I have no words other than heart broken to describe myself right now. I'm done. I've only told them two.