please respond!

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My BFF and i arent as close as we used to be. i try and talk to her but she doesn't really listen or care it seems like. she is the pretty-er one of us and i hear all the time about how all the boys like her, she is just a likable person. i have never had a boy tell me that im pretty or cute, ive never been asked out, all iv'e ever known is crushes crushes crushes, doesn't matter who i like i never get the same thing back. i have liked a boy for 3 years. my friend has maybe like him for 1. she knows i like him but she always talks about how he snaps her and talks to her and she had dreams about him, i do too! but i dont want to ruin it for her so i laugh and joke and act like im so happy for her but im just putting on a face inside i feel crushed. we both really liked him at the beginning of the school year. since then its always been oh he snapped me or oh he talks to me. it hurts and i know this makes me sound so selfish but i cant help it. my best friend and crush are hitting it off. maybe if i was a little skinnier, a little prettier, a little less shy, a little more like her... life wouldn't be so bad. i just want someone to really truly be there for me not just for jokes and laughs. i have to keep things to myself because she might lean over to the boys and tell them. i feel so lost right now. i feel like she is in the relationship for benefits like copying my work, ranting on and on, not the down and dirty hard stuff that really makes you BFF's.

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