idk what’s going on but for most of my life i’ve felt disconnected from myself. i would sit in my room in complete silence but not actually being there, that was when i was 8 years old. i’m 13 now and not much has changed. idk what to call it but i had this moment a few months ago where i looked at my hands and they weren’t mine, it was like i was watching a screen. there’s times where i look at a persons face like my moms and i don’t recognize her. also i would just be doing a normal everyday task and just completely zone out, i thought that i wasn’t even human. it’s like i’m just some spirit in some body?? honestly i don’t even bother giving any efforts in being happy. i think about drinking hand sanitizer or just jumping out of a moving car, or thinking about just falling off a building. it’s just been me and my mom since i was 4 so my mom was my “yellow”, but she found out i was self harming bcs i’m gay and she completely ignored the fact that she was the reason why i was doing it. she’s been saying that it’s not natural and it’s wrong and that it shouldn’t be talked about. she’s all i have so i don’t know what else to do. she says she’s not like her parents but she is. she had bulimia when she was 13 too and when she told my grandparents they said it wasn’t true, which is exactly what she said when i was *forced* to come out. i’m just so tired of being tired.