Ah here I go, my only outlet is here...We've known eachother for 3 years now, and let me tell you these past three years have been so confusing but somehow after 3 years, we still see eachother walk into the classroom every morning I remember the first time I saw you like it was yesterday, it was a Friday morning and I was in art class, everyone had arrived but the classroom door suddenly opening interrupted us, and there you walked in... hair covering most of your face, baggy street style clothing, and what did you do? You went to sit in the far corner of the class, no introduction whatsoever I found you mysterious, found myself whispering to my bestfriend who sat next to me asking "who's that guy?"During class I had Pringles and was sharing with everyone, something told me to offer you some so I didYou looked up at me as I held the Pringles carton infront of you, those brown eyes scanning every feature of my face before declining my offer I never thought of you in a romantic way until you started showing me a different kind of attention compared to my friends, and at first I was so blind that I saw past that. But ofcourse I eventually caught on...You were and are such an sensitive person which you didn't show to anyone but me, and you shouldn't of done that... I don't think I was ever physically attracted to you, what I was attracted to was the attention and affection you showed meAnd when it came to the talks of actually 'dating' I didn't know what to do, I was a innocent, socially awkward girl who just lacked affection and you were giving that to me, and this is where I was wrong. I kept leading you on, I would do anything just so that you would give me that affection and attention I thought I needed.I know I hurt your feelings, and even tho I've apologized countless times for that in person... I still don't know how you forgave me, but now I understand why you forgave me so easily We never made it official only some kisses here and there, not even make-outs just pecking here and there. But I don't think i ever truly enjoyed it Until one day a girl that I knew came up to me and asked me about you... she asked if you were single and I said yes, i looked at this opportunity as a way for me to slowly break off our romantic relationship, and it worked... eventually you two got togetherBut the one thing I wanted to happen didn't, our romantic bond just kept growing on the low, I could tell that you had feelings for me, but if I'm being honest i don't think i ever had true feelings for you, maybe I just considered you a font of affection and attention, now looking back at it, I was so wrong for giving you that idea You eventually ended things with the girl, and even tho you denied it, I know it was because of me, you ended it because you had the idea that I could be the one you loved I think I never 'cut' you off because i was scared... even to this day there's no 'just friends' between us two, it's always either we hate eachother or we act like a couple.Just before summer break me and my 3 bestfriends got into a fight, they left me with nothing but tears and on that same day you comforted me but I knew that wouldn't last long... and I was right, the next day you completely ignored me my alleged 'bestfriends' told you things that were never true, and the worst part is the way that you just dropped me from one day to the other, just like them.We went on summer break and I didn't speak or see you for 3 whole months and even began forgetting about you in general, that's until I saw your Instagram story... you had started dating a friend of mine. And there I hadn't just lost you but I had lost my friend to, she absolutely despised me and still doe to this day. When I saw that photo of you two, all my thoughts of you came flooding back, I never knew if you missed you or just the idea of you And when we came back to school... that's when everything started going downhill, I became friends with the girls again and not long after we had a long conversation about the situation aswell I could see that you took this relationship more seriously than the last one, even you admitted that, that relationship was only to make me jealous I was happy for you, really, but that's when hell started for me... your girlfriend would pull me aside when you weren't looking, threatening me because I talked to youWe had so many moments where it was just like a roller coaster, a crazy one, and when you found out your girlfriend was pregnant at 16 who was the first person to tell that news to? Me. It was Me. I swore not to tell anyone but the moment the news was leaked you blamed me for it, you called me every damn name out there and blocked me, only to then after a few days message me again acting like nothing happened. And for some reason I accepted the apology that was never even given It was like that for the rest of the year until September 2020, when we went back to school, since then we've been talking alot more again and the fact that your girlfriend isn't going to the same school as us, facilitates that A few weeks ago you admitted that you were still in love with me, and I finally faced the truth and told you that I just didn't feel like I couldn't give you the things you were looking for which was, love.I don't lack the attention or don't feel the need to be affectionated by you anymore, I've grown so much and I no longer fell romantic feelings towards you, but for some reason even after I told you this, you still won't let go... it's like you didn't read the paragraph I sent youNow it's you that comes to me in need of attention and affection instead of going to your girlfriend for those things, but at the end of the day, I'm the bad guy, I'm the one who won't let go and I'm the one who doesn't accept the fact that we'll never be more than friends Now, you haven't been to school in 3 weeks, you're apparently ill, according to the teacher and I haven't spoken you since you were last in school either I still feel the need to message you late at night, asking you if your okay. But I won't. I can't.