Just a vent so I’m in grade 10 and I have my finals in 2.5 months. My best friend recently moved to a different city and my life has never been worse. I’m in a really bad place right now because I think I suffer from serious depression but there is no way to confirm it apart from self diagnosis because my family is not someone I can share things with. All I want to do is just kill myself and that’s the only thing I can think about. My parent are exhausting. I’m misophonic and basically sounds trigger me very much. My dad is the biggest trigger factor ever. He eats very loudly and constantly keeps coughing and sniffing which drives me mad and makes me come off as ignorant and “rude”. I cannot ask him to stop because he will just tell me off and call me disrespectful. My mom does give a shit and only cares about her business. She’s sick half the time. Because of my sound sensitivity issues I can only study during the night. This results in my sleep schedule being fucked up and because of that, I come off as drowsy and tired during the day which gives my parents the perfect opportunity to call me lazy and pathetic. I’m given no privacy or freedom of expression whatsoever in my house. I’m not allowed to be sad or happy because they start assuming things. I’m too scared to do anything. As a kid they used to hit me for every little thing. I was thrown a chair at and my nose started bleeding. The hitting has stopped but the emotional torture is very much still there. All my friends have considerably understanding parents and mine are just I dunno, awful I’d say. They keep telling me that I don’t spend time with them but in reality how could I? They are so triggering. My dad keeps telling me that he is my friend but if I’m even a tiniest bit informal I’m labeled as “disrespectful” and get yelled at. My birthday was a few days ago and it was the worst day of my life. I was extremely depressed and my parents definitely made it worse. I’ve never cried so much before. I would’ve preferred to write this rant in my diary but I’m too scared that they’d read it. Well this isn’t any less risky because this is my mom’s phone (I dont own a phone or a laptop). Sometimes i blame myself for not being thankful. I’m better off than most people in the world today. I have a roof, a room, food and every basic material thing. But in reality I’m so devoid of personal freedom and mental stability that I just want to end it all. Me being ungrateful definitely makes it worse. I just want to jump off the roof but I’m too fucking scared that what if it would hurt and what if I don’t die? My life will become a million times worse if I don’t die. Why do I have to be such a pathetic, ungrateful, lonely and depressed 15 yo?

Just a vent so I’m in grade 10 and I have my finals in 2.5 months. My best friend recently moved to a different city and my life has never been worse. I’m in a really bad place right now because I think I suffer from serious depression but there is no way to confirm it apart from self diagnosis because my family is not someone I can share things with. All I want to do is just kill myself and that’s the only thing I can think about. My parent are exhausting. I’m misophonic and basically sounds trigger me very much. My dad is the biggest trigger factor ever. He eats very loudly and constantly keeps coughing and sniffing which drives me mad and makes me come off as ignorant and “rude”. I cannot ask him to stop because he will just tell me off and call me disrespectful. My mom does give a shit and only cares about her business. She’s sick half the time. Because of my sound sensitivity issues I can only study during the night. This results in my sleep schedule being fucked up and because of that, I come off as drowsy and tired during the day which gives my parents the perfect opportunity to call me lazy and pathetic. I’m given no privacy or freedom of expression whatsoever in my house. I’m not allowed to be sad or happy because they start assuming things. I’m too scared to do anything. As a kid they used to hit me for every little thing. I was thrown a chair at and my nose started bleeding. The hitting has stopped but the emotional torture is very much still there. All my friends have considerably understanding parents and mine are just I dunno, awful I’d say. They keep telling me that I don’t spend time with them but in reality how could I? They are so triggering. My dad keeps telling me that he is my friend but if I’m even a tiniest bit informal I’m labeled as “disrespectful” and get yelled at. My birthday was a few days ago and it was the worst day of my life. I was extremely depressed and my parents definitely made it worse. I’ve never cried so much before. I would’ve preferred to write this rant in my diary but I’m too scared that they’d read it. Well this isn’t any less risky because this is my mom’s phone (I dont own a phone or a laptop). Sometimes i blame myself for not being thankful. I’m better off than most people in the world today. I have a roof, a room, food and every basic material thing. But in reality I’m so devoid of personal freedom and mental stability that I just want to end it all. Me being ungrateful definitely makes it worse. I just want to jump off the roof but I’m too fucking scared that what if it would hurt and what if I don’t die? My life will become a million times worse if I don’t die. Why do I have to be such a pathetic, ungrateful, lonely and depressed 15 yo?

I have been where you are. Things get better. Is there anyone you can speak to that you trust? A friend’s parent, an aunt or uncle, a teacher or counselor at school? Group therapy was a life saver for me in my teen years. I struggle with sound. People can’t eat near me, it drives me mad. I got in trouble in 2nd grade for constantly asking another kid to quiet down because he coughed and sneezed so much. I truly thought I was the only person who struggles with this. My mom and step dad hit me, physically abused me, and he did far worse and went to prison. I’ve been depressed forever. I attempted suicide in 2003. I was shamed for it like you wouldn’t believe. There are others who have been where you are. You need to find the support of someone else and lean on them. And it’s very important that you ask to see the school nurse or ask to go to your family doctor and speak to them privately about what you’re going through. Things can get much better if you ask for help. Please don’t try to do this on your own. Talking it all out truly helps.

I have been where you are. Things get better. Is there anyone you can speak to that you trust? A friend’s parent, an aunt or uncle, a teacher or counselor at school? Group therapy was a life saver for me in my teen years. I struggle with sound. People can’t eat near me, it drives me mad. I got in trouble in 2nd grade for constantly asking another kid to quiet down because he coughed and sneezed so much. I truly thought I was the only person who struggles with this. My mom and step dad hit me, physically abused me, and he did far worse and went to prison. I’ve been depressed forever. I attempted suicide in 2003. I was shamed for it like you wouldn’t believe. There are others who have been where you are. You need to find the support of someone else and lean on them. And it’s very important that you ask to see the school nurse or ask to go to your family doctor and speak to them privately about what you’re going through. Things can get much better if you ask for help. Please don’t try to do this on your own. Talking it all out truly helps. 

Re: Rant of a 15 year old nobody would be interested in.

We live in different worlds. Where I come from and live, your life is quite a normal and typical one. Although I cant relate, I would like to tell you that suicide is not an option. No matter how you awful you think and feel your parents are, you committing suicide will break them. You may not see it but your parents love you very much in their own way. 'Parenting' is a difficult job and not all parents excel at it. You are young but you need to understand that. You are too young to be where you are right now. You have your whole life ahead of you. You have to come out strong. Cheers!

We live in different worlds. Where I come from and live, your life is quite a normal and typical one. Although I cant relate, I would like to tell you that suicide is not an option. No matter how you awful you think and feel your parents are, you committing suicide will break them. You may not see it but your parents love you very much in their own way. 'Parenting' is a difficult job and not all parents excel at it. You are young but you need to understand that.You are too young to be where you are right now. You have your whole life ahead of you. You have to come out strong. Cheers!

Just a follow up. I live in what is considered a third world country. Here we do not have school counselors or support groups as such. Having a metal health issue is seen as a shameful thing here. Our education system is very fucked up. They all care about your grades. I’m an above average student but it has become extremely difficult to concentrate on my studies. I don’t sleep at all. I stay up till 5am in the morning studying. There is no point in existing if this is going to be my life.

Just a follow up. I live in what is considered a third world country. Here we do not have school counselors or support groups as such. Having a metal health issue is seen as a shameful thing here. Our education system is very fucked up. They all care about your grades. I’m an above average student but it has become extremely difficult to concentrate on my studies. I don’t sleep at all. I stay up till 5am in the morning studying. There is no point in existing if this is going to be my life. 