I have been on sites like these for awhile now and I have realized something. What I need no site like this can give me. It’s nice to vent or ask for help and get a nice message about how the person cares and how I just need to push forward and it usually makes me cry and then I just go back to the hell I live in. What I need is love, any kind, platonic or romantic. I just need love. I need someone to take a chance on me and show me that humans aren't monsters. I need someone to show me that there is good in people. I need someone to care. Like truly care, not a nice message and then gone. I know that’s a lot to ask of someone but it’s so hard when I read about people having friends or are in a relationship and I just look around and measure how long it would take for someone to find my dead body. And I know no one wants to deal with a suicidal mess like me. But the fact is I know I am going to be worth something, even if I'm not right now. I have a natural skill for business and stuff like that. So I know that I will make a name for myself if I can just get through right now. But even when someone gets close I push them away. So I just need a person that just pushes and once I get comfortable around a person I come to them. The problem is that I am gullible, like I understand that someone is taking advantage of me and I just let them. Because I convince myself that by me letting them do that might be what they need to get to a better place so they don’t do it anymore. I know that doesn’t make sense either.I guess writing this out I realize that’s a lot to ask and something I shouldn’t expect from people. But it’s just hard to understand sometimes how we are all messed up in our own way but I have to be alone and it seems like most of the world doesn’t. I don’t know I’d probably screw it up away. I don’t know, thanks for reading. I just thought if I put it out into the world it might actually happen, I’m shy so its not like I can just do this in real life. Thank you for your time.