i feel so empty. i hook up with random men to feel something but i only feel guilt. i have a girlfriend and i know she's okay with what i do, but it still feels wrong. but i can't stop. i should break up with her. she deserves so much better than me. i'm shit. i deserve all the hurt that i get put through. i wish i could run away and start over. but i can't. i can't leave my mom. or my dad. or my brothers. some times i think what my life would be like if my birth parents weren't too young to take care of me. i do have a better life with my foster family but i want to know what my life should have been like. i feel different from both my families. i don't fit in with either. don't get me wrong i love them both and i know they love me. but idk if they like me. i just want to go to sleep forever. i'm tired. i need an escape. i do the same thing everyday. i want to talk to someone about this but idk how. i can't process how i feel. everything is meaningless. there is no point in anything. we're gonna die anyways.