I was having a good day. My morning meeting for work went well. I was feeling ready to tackle the day. Went out to get my hair trimmed and recolored. With my mom. Since I live at home. I don't mind living at home. It's nice to know that I have family willing to take care of me and help me out till I'm ready to get on my feet. I really appreciate it. But do I wish that I wouldn't get judged for shit so much. My future-cousin-in-law has a cousin who is a hair stylist. Cool. Great for me. A hair stylist that I can just talk to casually and not have to worry about her not being available and all that because I can just casually talk to her when I need / want to. Plus she fucking speaks English which is better than before (I will explain a bit more), and won't judge me for what I want to do. Or at least when she judges me, she doesn't do it in a rude or demeaning way. Anyway, I used to go with my mom to random hair salons because she couldn't fucking just choose one. And it was always at salons with mostly just Chinese hair stylists who barely spoke English. My mom barely knows how to describe what hair she wants in English too so why the fuck would she go to a fucking hair stylist that barely understands what she wants? It fucking grinds my gears. And she never stays with one salon. It's always a fucking different one because "the stylist didn't do what she wanted"... Well no fucking shit if she barely knows what she wants and the stylist is barely communicating with you, then of course there might be fucking issues with the result... But yeah. This stylist, at least I am able to talk to her and send pictures of what I want or even if I show her at the salon, she takes the time to actually talk to me about the cut before she starts snipping away. But yeah. Went out with my mom to get our hair done. I got my pixie cut and color. She judges me why do I want blue in my hair - because I fucking want to try a new look. Plus she's telling me to get my hair cut by my dad who literally just buzzes guy's hair straight... a pixie cut is not just buzzing my hair... Just because the stylist used a fucking buzzer doesn't mean my dad can do it. Fucking stupid. Plus I don't even want to have to explain things to my dad. He fucking man-splains everything and always thinks he's the better one. Well here's something for you dad, you can't trim this fucking pixie cut. And I don't want to spend time with him because he'll just end up complaining about shit. Like there's so many things he's doing around the house and one thing happens, say like he's unscrewing something. If the screwdriver won't fucking fit the screw then he gets all pissed off at the fucking screw... Like what the fuck dude? It's a fucking screw... and he's the one fucking working on it... He just has to complain about everything and anything and I don't want to deal with that when I'm getting my hair cut. And I feel great with my hair cut. Like I actually think I look good and shit. So why spend time with people who are just going to make you feel like shit when you're feeling you're best? The worst part is if I show any attitude toward their judgement, I'm the one who looks disrespectful... Fucking bullshit. My mom was judging the fucking hair stylist when we got in the car. Literally as I opened the car door, the first words I heard were "She cuts really slowly!" What the fuck... Like you want a rushed job? But when she gets a rushed job she'll complain it was too quick, right? Or it wasn't good enough? Like fucking hell man. That's not disrespectful? I'm not trying to be like sensitive or anything, but it's so annoying when you hear your parents just be so annoying in front of you every day... All my life I've only ever heard judgement from my mom and complaints from my dad. It's so exhausting... I'm 24, living with my parents :/ Of course I've thought about moving out. College was great since I wasn't with them. I decided to stay with my parents while I save up money for myself to get a car, and then potentially my own place where ever job opportunities take me. But I'm just so exhausted. Don't get me wrong, I have my moments with my parents, but like I can't deal with them every day. It's just too much. And this pandemic is making it so much worse. This isn't even the whole story, which is the worst part really, for me anyway. There's so much more bullshit that I deal with because of them... It's going to sound cliche, I guess, but I don't want to make my future kids feel like this about me. LIke I don't want them to be exhausted of just dealing with me. I know there's going to be times where they will be because of just them growing up in general. But like I feel so much disgust towards my parents that sometimes I feel like I wouldn't really care if they were to just, disappear... Of course I would most likely care, but isn't it a bit weird that I have that thought? Like I feel like I shouldn't be thinking that. I'm not dependent on them, or I'd like to think I'm not anyway, I don't know, I'm not really good at describing myself, but I shouldn't be "ok" with the thought of just losing my parents at any moment. I don't know. Fucking cultural traditions and me just wanting to treat myself better mentally. It's all conflicting and it's really exhausting...