read please..?

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right now i am in my bed shaking because i am cold , my heart is beating so fast it makes me weak.

i beg myself right not to get up and take a shower

i am living for a road trip with family and family friends and i dont want to see their son

he was my crush and friend for some time

and it makes me sick

i hate myself because every time i feel like this

i might even vomit because of that + i am road sick for example if i will sleep or watch a movie or talk too much do overall anything it will make me feel nauseous and after make me vomit and this thoughts dont let me eat before leaving

but i want to go cuz his parents and his brother are really cool and i love spending time with them

i tried taking pills that should calm my heart but it doesnt work

what can i do to calm myself please


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