Hey!! I just wanted to tell you that reading your article literally felt like reading something I would've written myself.
All those words were like a reflection with the exception of some things, of course.
Just like you I have the best people around me who love and care for me. No pressure for engineering, but that's where I'm headed anyways. I'm the sarcastic one in the gang and all...
Although, I did suffer through the trauma of the death of someone close to me.
Anyways, I get what you're trying to say.
Cause I'm just a year elder to you and all you said resonates with me somehow.
With some differences, I think deep down we're all the same, you know?
I too hate the cliched normal. I want the world to run as per my command so I can do things before I age.
For one, all I want to do is travel and see the beauty of this world and yet, I have to earn money for that and all to make it actually possible and I'll end up wasting so much youth!
There's a constant fear of rejection and not completing expectations!
You mention about how we post things anonymously. It's so true! I am ashamed sometimes to be sad cause of small reasons while everyone goes through such major shit.
Also, you say you want to be content with your life. And that is what hit me the most. I'll just try here. If you can buddy, try finding content in the small things. When small things come together, bigger things make sense. I'm genuinely not trying to give advise here, just something that helps. I get that it's not always possible but sometimes when it works, it's a great feeling.
Here's my content- I started learning guitar two years ago. I'm not a great player right now but when I get my favourite songs right, it's such an amazing feeling. It DEFINITELY helped with my self confidence but it sure took time. I still very very rarely play in front of people, even the ones closest to me, which is probably cause of the expectations part or the failure part. I'm not sure.
Either way, it gave me satisfaction cause music is a huge part of my life!
I honestly didn't know where I was going while I started to reply to you but here I am!
But hey! Alteast we're not alone!
I'm sorry for the length but I feel like I had to say this.
Much courage to you!