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responsibility as the oldest

im the oldest in my siblings. so its normal to me to give up everything and anything. but sometimes its hurt. plus, im the sister of 4. everything that makes them happy really satisfied me.

"one should hurt to make one happy"

giving up its not easy. but to make them happy, its became a habit although its hurt.

there s a time, i was having a really bad headache but i never told them. i keep myself in my room and do my homeworks. my father bought some food and told be to come out and eat. i told him i ll come out and eat later. as i come out, the food is already gone, ate by my siblings. i dont wanna my parents scold them for not thinking about me. instead, i told them that i wasn't hungry even though my headache became more painful. i keep myself inside the room again. without even noticing, my tears fell down on my homework sheets. maybe because i starve myself. as i think about it, it doesn't matter anymore. its always me who is starving without others knowing. its always me who is crying without others knowing. and also me who is in pain without someone noticing.

thanks if you read this to the end, i really appreciate that you read my confession ;)