I was a sex object that was owned by my mother and step father. They would lend me to family friends. I grew up ashamed and secretive. Now I am an adult and mother is dead, not sad, but I’m still fucked up. Run away pretend I am normal, but it never leaves, the pain, the shame, it never disappears. I’m almost 40 and I try so hard to be normal. I just want this world to sink away, I got my science degree, I studied neuroscience trying to understand. It hasn’t helped I want to just die already.