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Who am I kidding.

I do not feel like most people do. I have tried many times when I am with my friends to laugh but I just can't. I do not really know what the problem really is. I try dating but nothing makes sense to me, I am never just interested in most things that people do. Things like money, sex, friendships, family, clothes and movies. None of these things made any sense till last year when an I got caught up in a situation.

I was travelling home from school. I passed through a neighborhood market, where I usually pass through. From far I could hear a commotion, people shouting so I rushed over. It was a mob beating some guy who had been accused of stealing. I did not move, in fact I could feel my blood rush. I was thrilled, seeing him just lying in the dirt with his head bleeding. It wasn't the first time I had been in such a situation, but all the time I experienced the same feeling.

Most young people fantasize about women and money and other stuff, but my imagination is just filled with thought of human dismemberment. There is nothing I try that can make me stop but I just guess it is who I am. I fear getting angry most of the time because well I fear what I will do if I am. There is no telling.

Maybe I am a sadist. Well I do not care anymore.

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