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Sadness is confusing

I have no reason to be sad. No reason at all. I have good friends, an intact family, all my fingers and toes. I go to a good school. I like music. I enjoy making art and writing stories and playing video games. Sometimes I look at the sky and literally lose my breath because the world can be so unendingly, unerringly beautiful.

But I feel like I'm drowning.

All the time. Every place. I haven't cried in nine years, and yet each moment carries with it an undercurrent of deep, constant sorrow. I can't understand it. What possible reason could I have for knowing sorrow? I'm fine. I smile and I laugh. I get angry and I make jokes. I talk to my friends. They're excellent friends, too; funny and interesting and complex. I have two parents and two siblings and a neat little family unit and many relatives overseas. I have a job. I am not rich, but I am not poor either. Nothing should be making me sad. Nothing.

Yes, I have everything I need. And I have no excuse for why it's not enough.

Look at this. I have written "I" so many times already, like the world revolves around me. Even this anonymous post on a nondescript website is culpable; it's the tiniest of indulgences, like I'm allowing myself a few moments to acknowledge the invisible and indelible weight I always carry around, but I feel nonetheless guilty for it. Like I'm fetishizing my own sadness. Like a few moments are equivalent to an obsession. Maybe they are.

The truth is I don't know why I feel what I feel. I only know I feel too much of it, too often. I've seen sadness described as a crushing emptiness — an aching, echoing hole right in the centre of your chest where it can't be ignored. I wish I was empty. I wish I could feel the wind blowing through a hole in my chest and hear the whistle of it, like a stamp of veracity, like proof that something is indeed wrong. Instead, I am so full. I am bursting at the seams with sorrow. It drags on my insides like a physical thing, draining me of all authenticity when I smile, and laugh, and get angry, and make jokes. It alters everything. It might as well be shooting out of my fingertips, bleeding through my skin, leaving smudges on everything I touch. Even if the tears don't come from my eyes, they are everywhere else.

So I do not know why I am sad. I only know that I am. Maybe one day it will get the better of me, but until then I remain awake, perplexed and aching, confused and alone, crying with every remaining grin.

Replied Articles

Re: Sadness is confusing

Scientists acknowledge that during bouts of depression there is a hormonal change, but they don't know which comes first. Does the depressive state of mind cause hormonal change, or does hormonal change cause depression? They simply don't know.

But what we do know is that diet can certainly cause hormonal changes and some scientists speculate that this, in turn, can cause depression in some people. Are you vegetarian or vegan by any chance?

I got you bud. I'm the same :/


i understand ya..............mood swings hit to hard.................we have everything we want but somthing feels missing and udk what it is and it kills u makes u sad and makes u done with...................--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have also been feeling the same for as long as I remember. It has been really hard recently.

I feel really lonely, like no one would

understand me. I can't talk to anyone they will feel that I might be seeking attention. Sometimes I think I must be faking it but I feel the pain so idk. Things are weird, I am weird. I seem to enjoy pain and I feel that I deserve it. Seeing your post really helped me.

Thank you.

Your writing is practically crying. It's weeping yet not being able to shed a single tear, instead just here, unable to do anything. Bringing solace to said hole in others, but still leaving you like a dam overflowing. The truth is, some people describe the sadness as a hole because that's what it is to them. The feelings that are slithering out of your body like unseen tears are similar, if not the same as the feelings that pierce the opening through others. The feeling that carves them out and leaves them hollow. And I can only call it 'the feeling' because there is no word for it. It's just 'that feeling'. It festers like some species of animal, different versions of it branching out everywhere, yet all still holding that same foundation. Everyone has it, the poor, the rich, the privileged, the hard workers, the kids, the elderly. And even the people who don't understand why you are the way you are. Why your hurt and and pain are there. They have it too, but like I said. It's different for everyone. That's why, and this may seem harsh, no one is ever going to be there. For 'this feeling', no one can help you. It lives in a small world. A world of two containing it, and you. No one else can join or enter, because no one's got through the same thing. Even with impeccably similar circumstances, everyone was born to be different. There's this song I like. It's called Alone by Nico Collins. And there's a couple lines that mean the world to me.

"Don't you know nobody will understand

The person that you are, learn to hold your own hand."

I'll leave the rest to you. Because it's your life.


I too wish I could understand why I am so sad. I have the best people surrounding me, making me laugh and smile everyday. I couldn't be more blessed for the things I have but somehow at the end of the night I begin to think of all the things I have gone through in the past 4 years. Trying to move on and be happy is difficult..I constantly need to surround my self with people just to ignore the aching pain in my chest. I have wanted to be alone for so many years and now that I am, I don't know how to react to it. Will we see the light at the end of the tunnel, or will it continue to get darker and darker?


you don’t know what it’s like

waking up, feeling nothing at all

you don’t know what it’s like

living every day in this numbness

you don’t know what it’s like

inside this head

you don’t know what it’s like

waiting for the voices to quiet down

you don’t know what it’s like

knowing that everything is breaking

and you don’t feel anything

you don’t know what it’s like

laying alone wishing you’d disappear

you don’t know what it’s like

I have felt something similar before. It sounds like you are depressed. Sometimes we have no reason and other times there is an underlying one. I'm not sure how I broke free of it, but I think I just kept pushing through and one day I felt better. I recommend talking to someone about it, seeking therapy, or even just writing about it to get it out of your system. Just know that you're not alone in how you are feeling and it gets better.

Maybe you suffer from depression. I'm sorry that I can't give you proper advice.

I hope that you can get the help that you need. Don't give up though. Things will work out. God bless.




Sadness truly is confusing. I feel lucky to be alive and have a decent life, but I still make everything more complicated in my head. Life is so unfair and I wish it weren't. All I can do is keep this feeling to myself. No one will understand it best than myself when I self-realize.

I made a poem that is similar to this feeling of yours:

Hush The Waters

Are you drifting along life's waters?

Do you feel at all unsatisfied with the way in which you're swimming?

The thoughtful conflictions may appear,

when stressful times float near.

Teardrop or raindrop, drip drip . . .

It pours all night

drip drip . . .

Clench your arms around; numb your sailing failures.

- and don't let anyone hear -

- lest you drown in accusations

drip drip . . .

"you will do better."

drip . . .

"you're smart and ok."

drip drip . . .

Wash your face of the saltiness.

Breathe deep.

"you're happy and privileged."

This is the most beautiful and articulate way of expressing something so crippling. Your writing is fantastic. Sometimes I can't sleep at night through pure gratefulness for all the things I have and the fear of losing them. Maybe you feel that? Although I don't think so. Sometimes being full and happy almost feels like the absence of real meaning. It's hollow, almost like you got the life trophy without working for it. It's suffocating and at the same time so unjustified it doesn't warrant talking about. I think that's a symptom of depression. Duncan Trussell said that depression is like a really good con artist. "Depression does all the things a con artist does, it wants you to lie to the world and pretend everything is fine, it wants you to pretend that it's an okay state of consciousness to be in... you gotta just tell people you're feeling woozy."

I know exactly the feeling. All too well. The biggest mistake I made when I first started feeling this way when I was 13 was not talking about it to anyone. My family was very different from yours. I grew up in an abusive household where, from the age of 7, I was responsible not only for myself, but my 60 year old step dad who was a paraplegic. I would walk by myself after school, about a mile home and I would be the first one there out of my two older siblings. It was my responsibility to take care of him, including rolling him in to the bathroom, helping him get his pants down, and helping him wipe his butt. Did I mention I was 7?

I wish I had someone I trusted to talk to about the physical and mental abuse I went through. My mom didn't think anything of it, she was trying her best to make enough money for us to eat and have a place to live. She also was the one doing the beating. Everything I went through while I was a kid I thought was normal, so I never complained about it.

But by the time I was 13, I was suicidal, anorexic and bulimic. I had friends, but I didn't want them to think I was seeking attention or I was exaggerating about my household, or just be bothersome. All of this escalated into me cutting myself over 200 times (yes, I counted each and every cut). I felt so much pain, yet I was so numb. So numb in fact, that I had to cut my skin to feel something.... to feel good, to feel bad, I didn't know.

Anyways, forward through 20 years of bi polar cycles. I went from depressed, to manic, and right back to depressed. I moved around, slept around, got arrested a few times, drank myself near to death, did cocaine, popped pills, did an insane amount of acid and mushrooms. I didn't realize it until recently that I was doing this because I was running away from something.

I am now 33, stable, no more drinking or drugs (except for weed), married, with a kid, and I've learned to talk more about my past. Just simply talking about it, talking about your feelings, talking about your accomplishments and even disappointments in yourself really help.

Although you feel as though you have everything good going for you, a good family, good school, good friends, all of that..... it doesn't invalidate how you feel. Don't feel guilty about being sad. Talk about it. Open up to someone you trust and talk to them about it. People have different experiences and different levels of trauma, and sometimes you forget about something that happened to you. Talking about your feelings help you determine "why" you are feeling this way.

Also, don't feel bad if you can't figure our "why" you're sad. You're sad, feel it, experience it, validate it, acknowledge it and talk about it. That's the only way to make it go away. It's going to hurt in the process, but that feeling you get in your chest that feels like an elephant is sitting on it, or you feel like bursting at the seams from all of these feelings.... in the end, what you're actually doing is opening the floodgates and releasing that negative energy.

Soon, you'll feel less full from the negative feelings because you begin to understand yourself more. Write in a diary, either in private or on this forum. Even if there wasn't anyone in the other end who is reading what you wrote, you are doing it for yourself. Do it to heal. Do it for self reflection. Look for answers within yourself by reading the words that you wrote. That helped me a lot.

You feel full because you've been suppressing your sadness or anger for too long. You might feel guilty or bothersome, but trust me, you're not. Any time I opened up about my past to people I know and trust, they have embraced me with so much love that it helped me fill the cracks that have been inside my heart for far too long. I wish I had done it sooner, but you know what? There's no use in saying "I wish I did this, or I wish I did that". It's only going to make you feel worse about yourself.

Instead, try to go into the mindset of "I WILL do this," and "I WILL do that".

Anyways, I hope I didn't ramble on too much. Remember, that there will always be people out there who will be willing to listen to you. And if they're going through some hard things themselves, listen on right back. We are all in this pandemic together, and the only way we can survive is by supporting each other.

I want you to know that I see you and I support you. I know how you feel and I know how hard it is to pull yourself out of that hole. I am rooting for you and I know you can do it, just don't give up!

Much love,


I know when I am depressed it's because of balance. If you aren't exercising regularly, eating right, or getting enough sleep, all those can cause chemical imbalances in the brain. That's all depression is really, a chemical imbalance. Or I would suggest seeing a therapist and trying to get on antidepressants (again they work because they help produce more brain chemicals) or at least get therapy. There might be a root cause or there might not.

I understand exactly how you feel seeing as I'm in the exact same position. I completely and absolutely acknowledge your pain. Your feelings are valid. But I just wanna say that, the way you've articulated your words is amazing. I mean I know you write already but it's just beautifully written. That being said I'm not trying to glorify your pain in any way, just that your words convey what a thousand people may feel.

PS: this is probably a useless post but I just wanted to say it. Ignore if you like, it isn't even that important I guess. I don't know I'm sorry if I said something hurtful. I promise you that wasn't my intention at all.

I feel the exact same way. I am always depressed and I don't know why. I think sometimes that death is easier than living. I, as well, can no longer see myself being happy anymore in the future unless someone comes along who can change this. But for now, no. How do I do anything? I do not see my purpose.

I know how it feels. I was like that at the age of 15, which was about 9 years ago. I still feel like that from time to time, but whenever I do, I just cry it out while praying. Sometimes, you just feel like you're drowning, and after that, you'll feel nothing. But the nothingness you're feeling would be the most dangerous thing. It'll make you do things just to feel something. Anything, including pain.

Almost took my life away. I almost cut my wrist when I suddenly remembered the faces of my family. I don't want to see them crying.

I don't want to do it again.

If you feel like you want to talk and you're not comfortable talking to anyone you know, then, journal it. Or might as well, do something like this. Post how you feel.

Always know that you're not alone.

I completely understand how you feel man... The same thing happened to me. You should seek some profesional help before it becomes more serious, and I'm sure your friends and family are happy to help. Sadness really doesn't make sense, but one thing is for sure; you have the power to make it go away. I can't figure out how, but I got so much better after I seeked for help with my family and friends and just explain what I felt. Just having someone there listening, giving me advice, and just telling me how much the appreciate me. When I went to a psychiatrist they told me I suffered from depression, and you might be suffering as well. Don't feel like your sadness means nothing because you have no reason to be sad, everyone has reasons. Even with a perfect family and perfect life, everyone can be sad. I hope you can get the help you need <3

you're not alone.. sometimes we don't know why we feel what we feel..maybe it's past trauma.. or maybe the people around us aren't who they say they are..maybe we're tired of pretending ..maybe we need a hand but can't seem to find ourselves to ask for it.. its almost as though our mouths are glued shut ..

Sounds to me like depression, I had something similar which ended in me feeling nothing. No feelings at all even when I witnessed a dog run over by a van. At that point we decided I should see the doctor; with one form filled in I was on pills for a year and a half to relax an overactive brain. Now I'm off them and find an occasional session of meditation helps. Just remember there will always be those better and worst than yourself and always count your blessing. Cliche I know but it's the truth.

This is exactly where I am right now.

Im not sure if Im really sad, or I'm just lonely.

Its not that I dont have family or friends.

I have a loving family and few good friends.

However I am alone most the time,

And I guess I got tired keeping myself company.

So I am not really sure if I am sad.

There is just that emptiness that gnaws at me.


Actually, i wanted to ask you... Is it really that bad to feel sad? I mean you have to feel sad to be able to feel happiness...

Easier said than done,

I feel the same way myself. And it turns out that i can't really control it, so I just let myself cry for some time.

When i was a child (5-9 yrs i guess), i used to cry when i was hungry and didn't even realize the reason for it. At that time my grandfather would feed me saying that I'm just hungry.

Even today, when I cry I try to remind myself that maybe I'm sad or irritated because I'm hungry or tired.

My point is... there must be something that triggers these feelings in you. Maybe you should try changing your diet, for me fruits tend to cheer me up, fruits which have a lot of water to be more precise. Doing some exercise might help too, as it releases the 'feel good chemicals' in us.

Also, you should exercise at a time that is comfortable. For eg: don't exercise in the afternoon otherwise you will feel irritated because of the heat and sweat instead. Doing these things helps me get back to my usual self faster, might help you as well.

To be true I feel relieved that there is another person who feels like this. I thought i was being ridiculous every time I cried or got angry. I might be an ungrateful person though...

Anyways, hope you found it useful and hope your time with your loved ones lasts long.

Sadness is now normal.

The availability of the world's quota of stuff ensuring a normal life is confusing. As you said, you have a family, job and you friends; so it seems as if you've got all to be happy, but these are the society's set standard. just like the phrase, 'Roti, kapda aur Makaan'.

Consider my example, I have a beautiful family but not many friends. I'm suffering from a skin disease, so I frequently get frustrated and irritated and kinda depressed.

I cry, like I am crying right now. The problem here is, how much of a period is allotted for crying? like in my mom's opinion, If i am sad for a certain amount of time, it gets as if she's done and acts arrogant that she's dealt with her fixed quota of my sadness and acts like chal ho gaya!

SO now I have restricted on my emotions to let flow before her.

If you know what I mean.

I know every experience is individual and that nobody could ever truly understand what your feeling, but this post describes exactly how I've been feeling and relates to my current circumstances. I've been crying for the last few days and I have absolutely no reason to be sad, I'm literally pursuing my dreams and am so blessed with a family and so many supportive friends which i can call upon, but I'm just so sad and I don't know why. Thank you for posting this I find pleasure in knowing my problem is universal and that even though I cant properly describe it I was able to validate the way I'm feeling.

Oh well, Sometimes it is so hard and it is tiring trying to be okay all the time.

I am also the same. Smiling like I have no problems. Being happy and cheerful.

But deep inside, I have no one to talk about my feelings.

I have no one to share my thoughts. Because I am so scared of sharing myself.

idk why. I bottled up my feelings like, I would just smile and smile and pretend everything is okay.

Then when I am alone, I have no one to talk to. All the pain, sadness that I just smile away comes back

and it accumulates and then I explode but still, no one knows.

I feel you. I will not say that it will go away because based on my own experience the sadness has been my constant companion for more than a decade. You just have to soldier on.

In my teens I went with the self harm route, and it did not make a difference. It just made the people around me look at me different. Like I'm made of eggshells and would shatter at any given moment.

In my twenties I tried to hide it. I was so afraid that it would affect my career possibilities and that my relationships would suffer. But, nothing remains a secret and when the self harm came to light my relationships crumbled. I had to leave work because of the pitying looks and the lying. They all reasoned they were tying to shield my fragile state of mind. the intentions were fine but the execution were awful. The feeling of isolation was worse.

I'm in my thirties now. I still get bouts of extreme sadness, and there are no triggers. I have a happy family as well, a decent job and great friends but I've learned to embrace sadness. Take a mental health day off work, listen to music, do the things that keeps you calm, and let the tears flow if you have to.

You don't have to suppress your emotions, and condemn your self to numbness. It's really okay to hurt, you can do great things despite of this, don't let anyone tell you otherwise not even your self.

You put exactly what I have been feeling into words. I have the best life that anyone can ask for. I live in a nice home, in a nice neighborhood with 3 younger siblings. My parents are strict but not too strict. I have my own room and restroom. My life is happy. Yet I always feel like the weight of the earth is on my shoulders every single day.

i finaly found someone that understands what im feeling no one around me does and im drowning in guilt and selfshaming . reading this was so painful for me like me reading my life and everything ive ever struggled to say written by an other complete stranger that is where am at and feels like he /she understands me more than my close circle of friends thank you because it was such a relief for me .

Sometimes too much of happiness can cause you great sorrow. Its just because u are very happy and are afraid that this happiness may disappear. You are just afraid of sorrows which is making you sad. Things that are meant to happen will happen no matter what. So just focus on what you need to do right now.

Life is more about things around us and very little about us. If you think that you are getting self-obsessed, try doing things that are no way related to you. Try doing things that make others happy.

Maybe is because you need Jesus Christ.Maybe you don't need that many friends and need to be transformed in something better.Please read this message and think about it.Be on the right way and don't give up.See money and power can't buy you happiness.Try to see like i see.Try to realise that there is something so good and really greater that u and must follow his path.Love Jesus Christ with all your heart and find your joy.

As human as we are, it is very normal to be sad. Whoever never gets sad I'll say is not a normal human being. It is very normal to be sad! But the problem is to be sad and remain sad! If we let it, we'll remain sad, almost always forever and it will have the best of us! Decide to stay happy no matter what ! It's a decision. Choose to be happy, decide to be happy . You're the only one who can do this for you . I wish we could be friends beyond here. Maybe you need someone to talk to. Remember, "You're stronger than you look".


You and I are kinda similar. I have a good life but I feel like I’m drowning in my own tears and I don’t know why. I know I’m very lucky and most day I’m very happy to have been so blessed, but that does not stop me from feeling bad other days. I tell myself I can’t feel like this because I have it so good. But that is like saying people can’t be happy at all if life isn’t perfect. You have a right to your feelings and you also have a right to feel better. So when you feel confused about why you feel the way you feel you can acknowledge your feelings for what they are your feelings. And with time maybe we can both get better. Thank you for showing me I’m not alone. Thank you so much for understanding what my mind is like and giving me hope.

Hey, I need help. Urgent, please

I know it's not a good way to ask for help but this is so urgent. Maybe the reason is stupid but I think it's really important reason for me. I need to buy a plane ticket from Peru to a place in Europe, I'll tell you if some are interested in helping me, please.

It's about love but also about health, mental health. My girlfirend is so far away from me. She's not okay mentally, that's the most important reason I need to go there urgently. She has a hard life there, even more with her family's opinion about us and everything, she asked for help with her mental health to her parents and they said no. She's feeling lonely there. That's why I need to go there, to take care of her or just stay by her side. But my financial condition is not good now. I work, sell and do a lot legal things to get money but it's not enough yet, I'm desperated. I need to buy a fly ticket and it's so expensive. She wanted to come here but COVID situation happened. What do I do? Everytime she's feeling worst mentally. We didn't tell our family about us because we're scared about what wuold they said, we know... they are homophobic... We are not an ordinary couple, so we can't ask them for help, I know my family won't help me.

Another reason I wanna go there is because my studies and I can work there by staying, whatever really whatever to stay by her side and make her feel better. I'm studying Psychology so I can help you for life to pay it to you. justdonotgiveupplease@gmail.com . Help me, I'll help you, contact me.

Please it's that urgent. Please spread it out.

Thank you for reading me.

Wow. This hit me right in the chest... i feel the exact way! Even tho my life is amazing im still sad! I mean... theres things like parents arguing or ur family having problems with the person u love, but still its pretty amazing! Do you know God? like... Christian faith God? I wonder if that could fill the void... they all say He does. Being raised in a Christian home i should know that... but instead i decide to keep wondering and not try it out. Idk... i guess thats why the title of your "article" is Sadness is Confusing.

I feel you too. Seems like everything in the external world could be going on perfectly well but the internal is what is essential. We can fill that whole up with anything from the external for long no matter however hard we try.

Since you do not know the reason as to why you're sad perhaps self-hypnosis would be a good place to start to bring up things that you've been storing within for an extended period of time.

I haven't found anyone more effective than Marisa Peer who has an amazing array of hypnosis recordings that are for free on Youtube. This by far is one of the best ones, am sharing it with the hopes that it'll help you with you problem.


Same here.

There is not much problems compared to others in my life.

But I really don't want to live.

The thing is the future is stressing me

I am stressed over the fact taht I might be a failure like so many others.

Maybe that is the reason I don't know exactly.

"I don't want to live in such a world"-is all I think

I feel you sometimes we are just sad or want to show someone we are sad or just are sad . Think about your past did out every single thing and see if something went wrong if there’s nothing scream it all out maybe you won’t scream nothing but just let it out . Ps : I am just going to put random things so this can post.


I felt every word.

I wrote my thoughts out for the first time in years. I too feel like I am drowning.. but what I wrote was, I feel broken. Unsure why I feel this way and that I cant control how I feel. The happiness feels fake and sadness feels fake. What is our true emotions.

I had the exact same problem. I have had a pretty leisure life, not too extravagant but not poor either. i never had desires for many things and for the few i did would get it. I am lucky that i have a good family and just as well friends who are always there to support me. Never faced any kind of tragedy. Maybe that's what the problem was. Because I had no real tragedy maybe my mind was giving me a simulated tragedy as such. Even though happiness all around me no one would know that i was slowly breaking inside. And the more i stayed alone with myself the worse i got. So i did everything i could to prevent myself from being alone. I would always try to stop my mind from wandering into the abyss by keeping myself occupied by something or anything. Although I have gotten better by keeping a positive mindset for everything sometimes i do relapse. But I try my best.

I know what i did may not be helpful to you but let me just say this. Don't lose hope. The moment you lose hope you may do something you might regret in future (I can guarantee that) . And in worst case scenario may not even have a chance to regret.


Wow, this is exactly what im feeling right now. I really don't have any reason to be sad. I got a great fam, friends and i have job not rich yet not poor as well. I can buy all the things i need but then why... Whyyyy i feel like I'm drowning.. I never felt this way before just out of nowhere i feel exhausted and it feels like something is choking me. And i dont understand it. Not even one bit.

For happiness it would be good if you learn to know a little about science. Seratonin is a happy hormone that is required to counter this sad feelings. How can we get this hormone is quite simple you need to do acts of kindness. This is actual science. For people with depression drug that induces seratonin in brain is prescribed. We live in a lonely world with our gadgets, we have lost our abilities to live as a group where we help each other and get this happiness. However it is not lost. Try volunteering, make someones day, help someone in your family, friends or strangers, I guarantee you will see the difference.

i feel the same, i live a happy life, people have it harder but why do i feel sad, i dont deserve to i should begrateful so why do i feel a sense of detachment and sorrow to my life, why do i feel this deep rooted guilt for my emotions. i wish we could claddify emotions like we do diseases and i wish there was a tablet to cure the emotions we dont want to feel. wheather it be sadness or anger or disapointment or satisfaciton. i wish everything followed a logical pathway where there is a root or cause and a clear definative treatment, but its shit were human and humans are messy and have feelings unfortunately. and we learnt to adapt to work around them and some of these clever bastards even learn to embrace them and floirsih with them. i fckin wich i could


I feel you, sometimes you don't have a reason to be sad. You just feel sad that's all.

I try to distract myself and watch funny or enjoyable videos and doing something else(like biking, meditating or etc)

Oh... I thought I was the only one, feeling sad for no reason. Feeling like there's nothing wrong, but feeling as if there is at the same time. It's so confusing, so frustrating, so... weird. I don't know why I feel sad, I have a good life too. I come from a fairly wealthy family... but my brother says dad's abusive. But.. he's not...! At least... I think so...

Good for you to have all perfect environment, but we don't live in a perfect world that's why you still feel something is missing or makes you sad for quite some time

I also have an intact family but we're not happy, I think more of a dysfunctional one -- I'm the only one who's emotional here, and they're just all apathetic in whatever situation, it's been tested & proven.. and this one word affects everything we have; there's no urgency, no empathy, no accountability, no discipline, no anything...

They made me feel like I'm not normal because I'm the only one who was mostly sweet, funny, talkative, generous, idealistic, etc..

But my life changed so much like 180 degrees, I no longer show emotions, doesn't talk, doesn't want to share, no more dreams that I long for..

I used to deny that my family isn't normal, that my relatives are the ones, that we live perfectly happy & an ideal family

It also affects my relationship with friends, new people I meet and significant other -- but I am perfectly fine when I'm with my S.O. the only person I can be normal and do all stuff I want

Environment is a big factor on your life, I'm pretty sure something has happened in between, it might have passed by so quick and you just might want to check where it went wrong.

It took me years to accept that my life isn't headed to where I want to and also not ideal presently, but this has been stressing me out obviously that's why I'm here, I can't talk to anyone about my feelings, I don't even know what I feel anymore...

You sound like you read my psychiatric evaluations and rewrote them in the first person. I believe you have a medical condition called clinical depression and something chemical is taking place inside your mind you need medication to help you with. You can't out think emotions, you can't out feel thoughts, you can't hide your truth forever because at some point no amount of positive things you recognize as existing will save you from your own doubts about yourself and possibly take away your will to fight this pain which can destroy you unnoticed because the hiding of the pain is part of the reason for it. Good luck and if you won't see a doctor out of pride you will cause yourself unnecessary suffering and will waste perfectly good time that could be spent enjoying life without having to have the answers to every question.

I feel the same way.

However, i did learn something.

Feeling nothing so as not to feel anthing - what a waste.

It's not easy to show emotions. I can't do it either.

We rip out sooooo much of ourselves to be cured of things faster.

Some people aren't worth our time.

It's never your fault, love.

And if your family or friends are mad at you for this, they suck.

Depression sucks.

Don't let it win.

Like you said, the world can be so extremely beautiful.

What if you die, knowing that you haven't seen all the sunset or sunrises yet??

That would be sad.

Hold on please.

We all love you , even tho we've never seen you.

You matter.