I was born to my mom and dad who found one another after they'd ended their previous marriages and moved to a different country to work. Both my mother and father have kids from their previous marriages. I am the youngest but when I was 5, my father's son, my half brother who was 15 years older than me, began molesting me, grooming me, assaulting me. My parents were working and essentially left me in his care. This continued till I was 13 and someone finally noticed and told my mother. I am still traumatized and can't discuss it. I know it has affected my overall life and relationship dynamics but I was coursing through with those memories buried. However recently, my father cheated on my mother leaving her distressed. One night, under the influence of alcohol she said, "I hate you. You're a mistake just like your father was and you are no different than your pedophile brother. You're all sex addicts". She forgot these words by morning but I have them in me, like a fresh wound. Lately, all the memories have resurfaced and each night I relive them in my dreams. I've tried avoiding sleep but i always end up passing out and waking up with those painful memories. I wish I could see my doctor but that too I can't afford in the current situation. I can tell no one about these things due to the societal stigma.. I'm just in pain.. just alone and unwilling to keep living but I try.. I'm trying so hard.. I wish someone would notice for once and encourage me, just a little.