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Scared to speak openly

I'm a mum of two kids. Have a great and supportive partner and have anxiety and depression.

I left work due to having uncontrollable anxiety attacks frequently. Luckily haven't had any more since I left a couple of weeks ago but FUCK my depression is awful.

I'm trying so hard to be strong.. get up everyday and put on a brave face for my young kids. But when they go to bed the emotional exhaustion catches up to me.

I feel so fucking low. I don't want to harm myself, and I don't want to physically take my own life. It's just like I can't be bothered staying alive.

I'm scared to speak out about it incase people think I'm a bad mum and try to take my kids. They are my reason to breath. Without them I would be dead I'd have no reason to continue. They are safe, fed, clean and loved. I'm already on antidepressants. But they seem to only take the edge off. Maybe I should ask them to up my dose..again..