I've been having a really tough time at school between battling with my heavy waves of depression and random bursts of anxiety as well as always worrying about my partner who i'm worried is dead every time I wake up or don't immediately receive a text back from them. My schoolwork keeps getting pushed to the back of my mind and is becoming one of my lowest priorities even though im a sophomore at a world renowned school. Everyone i talk to just tells me to manage my time better but i dont have a fucking concept of time because everyday feels like its moring for 20 minutes night for 20 minutes and im just waiting till i can go back home and sleep. everything is so hopeless. I just want to fix everything and for everything to be easier but it cant get easier for some reason. Everything i try fails, i try to keep my partner happy and healthy but they have such a tragic life and i want to do everything i can to help but they're in such a hopeless situatuon. I'm battling with my own trauma which doesn't measure up to theirs in any way and is a golden life in comparison but it fucking hurts but then again i hate talking about myself cause ive always been told im selfish and and lier. I dont even know if what im saying now is true, maybe im just a huge fraud who makes up all my own problems for attention.
Re: school bullshit
Hi there! Just so you know, I am in no way an expert nor do I even have the right to say anything but, this is just make take on your situation, and I hope I can just help, even a little bit! And again! This is all my opinion! You DO NOT need to read this!:
I am so sorry for everything you are going through! I, again, don’t really have the right to say anything, because I don’t know what you are dealing with! Just know, nobody’s life is golden or even truly better! Everybody has different opportunities and everybody has different struggles! There is no way to compare other peoples upbringings, because nobody has a choice! What you can judge though is people’s actions and what they decide to do with their life! And you are the only person who can change it! Though of course their are going to be things out of your control and things that are super unfair! But if you can control you and your actions, you can really change your life around! What goes around, comes around! It’s never to late to change your life! But the hardest part can even just be figuring out what the “problem” is! Much less the solution!
Actually a really big step for you was doing exactly what you did! Reaching out! Getting it out!
GET IT OUT: Just getting the stuff that’s bothering you off of your chest, no matter how you do it, as long as it is in a way that does not influence violence! (Like: writing, talking to someone, working out, etc), will truly benefit you! You can’t keep things in forever! It will only stress you out more! And getting it out can help u understand what is going on, what the “problem“ is, and how you can fix your “problems!”
along with getting it out and figuring out what your “problem” is, there are certain questions that seem really silly but can really help you, that you can ask yourself are - “Are you happy? Why aren’t you happy? What makes you happy?“ —I am so sorry you must be thinking I am on something and probably think I am an arrogant idiot! Your probably like no duh I’m not happy! 😂! But as weird as it is, asking yourself certain questions can really help identifying what your struggling with! —Ok I don’t really know how to describe what I mean but I will try! 😂! Yes, of course your probably not happy, but asking yourself questions about how you feel might help! Like you can ask yourself, “Do the things in my life make me happy? Does my partner make me happy? Are the things that I’m doing make me happy? Is the good stuff worth the bad? Is the amount of happiness, worth the stress and anxiety? What does make me happy?”
ok if you have read this far, past my poorly explained identifying your emotions tips, thank you!
so when you get to the point where you have figured out where you want to improve on your life (which you will!) where do you go from there!? Honestly I feel like identifying the “problem” and figuring out what you want in life is actually harder then getting it! 😂! But it is true! You can achieve anything! Just know it is super easy to get discouraged! Like you said, you feel like anything you do doesn’t work! Your hopeless! But even just making the tiniest little achievements, is still working towards your goal!
GOAL SETTING: I think where we/I go wrong in making goals is, I make these really big goals in the beginning of trying to achieve something! That’s where most things fail! of course you want to have your big main goal! Your longtime goal! The goal that you will be working towards in the end! But make sure to have your stepping goals in between! It’s really hard to just chase after your main goal without any direction! That’s why if you have mini goals that help you get there!
For example: Your main goal may be to have all A’s,— so maybe your first little goals can be to keep your bag organized by packing it the night before school! Doing your homework first thing when you get home so you can have the night to your self! Study for at least __ minutes the night before your test! — let’s say you goal is to lose weight— your end goal is to be __lbs! — so you mini goals can be, to go on a 30 minute ruin 2 a week! Maybe to try an eat vegetables with your dinner every night, maybe it’s try to work out at a gym/ at home for 20 minutes! Those were just some examples that I thought might help! Once you get into the habit of doing something, and can see that you can achieve your goals, nothing is impossible, and you feel improvement, you truly can achieve anything! But it all comes from you and you can take it as far as you want! And if you don’t want to do something, then don’t do it! Do what makes you happy! But if you do want something, then just do it!
JUST DOING IT: don’t be afraid of going after what you want if you want it! Most of the time, people are actually their own worst enemies! For most people, they are their own “problem!” Some people can’t seem to get out of their own way!
EXCUSES: Don’t make excuses!! It’s in our nature to justify why we don’t have what we want! For example: “I didn’t do this because of this!” Now I am NOT saying that I am not guilty of this, and I am NOT saying that you won’t ever do that or that it’s a bad thing! Again, WE ARE HUMANSSS!! This is natural!!! EVERYTHING YOUR FEELING IS NATRUALL! AND YOU ARE NOT ALONE! THIS SHIT IS HARD! LIFE IS HARD! but that’s the thing! You can do this! You can have success! You can be happy! But getting into the habit of doing and going after what you want when you want it, instead of not doing it because of something is stopping you can be a complete game changer! For example: let’s say your bored and have been stuck at home all day, and all of a sudden you kinda want to go for a run, just do it! We as humans are really good at making excuses and thinking of all the reasons it’s not a good idea! But if you just remember the benefit you could have from it and all the positive things that can come from it, and you just do it! It can be life changing!
TIME MANAGEMENT: you had talked about how you struggle with time management! Everyday probably feels the same, like you are in a loop/ endless cycle of the same stuff everyday! Going home is your only escape! (I might be wrong sorry!) from what you wrote this is what it sounds like! For you, life is just going through the motions! Which for some people they are completely happy and content with their lives! But from what it sounds I don’t believe you are! Again, it sounds like you feel like you are just going through the motions of the day and home is your escape! My advice is just finding something/ anything that makes you happy and doing it everyday! Or maybe even setting goals for your day (back to the goal setting)! For me, I am a very goal oriented person! I like to be the best at whatever I do! Again I don’t know you and what your goals are, but if you don’t have any, it might really improve your day to day! And when I say goals I mean something you want to accomplish that day! (Btw I wrote this section before the Goal Setting one! 😂) Like maybe, I want to get all my math homework done in class today, or before school ends! Maybe I want to say hi to this person! Maybe I want to organize my backpack today! — just know everyone struggles with time management, if people give you a hard time about it, just know they definitely struggle with it to! Maybe worse! 😂! Just find that one that makes you feel like you are improving/ having a productive day! It’s hard because I think we all can set super high goals (which of course is good! You want to set high goals! We want a big main goal that your working towards, but also, if you set a very high goal and don’t know how to get there, it can be very discouraging, that’s we’re it can feel hopeless, we can set the standards to high for ourselves!) But if it’s something you know you can do and can achieve, you’ll definitely have more of a desire to do it!
if you have made it to the end and your reading this now, wow, your amazing! And hopefully the author is the one to see this! Though if it is you, I am so sorry if u read all of that! I hope this did help anyone! Again I’m not an expert! I can only give advice on what I have experienced myself! Just know that you can control you life! But life is hard and things will never be easy! You will always have to work for what u want! But you can do it! Do what u love, spend time with people you love, and be the best you! ❤️
(Note for the Author if they see this! I wasn’t really sure if I wanted to bring this up because I have no right to say anything on this! I don’t know you, your situation, or your partner! I am in no way wanting to put your relationship in danger, but I think it should be said. From what you wrote you made it sound like a lot of your stress and anxiety comes from your partner! And when you talked about how you are worried that your partner might be dead every morning was a little alarming. You also had said that whenever you try to keep your partner happy you fail, because of their situation. I just want you to know it is not your job to try and keep your partner happy and healthy. Ughh that sounds so wrong I just don’t know how to word this! I know this is gonna sound so bad but, It’s not your job to fix your partner! I mean of course you want to help them through their situation, whatever their going through, and I mean you sound like a wonderful person for wanting to help! But all that stress and pressure can not be good for you! Especially since you are A SOPHOMORE! Your still young and you still have a lot of growing up to do! And I AM NOT saying you guys should break up or that your not a good couple but, this may be doing more harm then good for you! And in my opinion I think it’s better to help yourself before you help others! HEY IT JUST NEEDED TO BE SAID! I NO NOTHING ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP AND I BET YOUR A VERY GREAT COUPLE! Just remember to always ask yourself if you are happy with what you have! Remember that you truly can achieve anything! Don’t let others get in your way! And especially don’t let yourself get in the way! Life is hard, times are tough! Especially now, Corona! Just keep smiling, keep doing what you love! Remember that you are not hopeless! This is your life, and you only get one, so might as well make it your best! AND REMEMBER THAT I LOVE YOUUU!! THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE OUT THERE THAT LOVES YOU!! AND YOU DONT HAVE TO AGREE OR LISTEN TO A WORD I SAID BUT JUST KNOW I HOPE I DIDN'T OFFEND YOU AND ALL I HOPE IS THAT I WAS ABLE TO BRING JUST A LITTLE BIT OF HOPE IN YOUR LIFE!!! ❤️❤️❤️