My friends are one of the things that keep me happy in life. If I lost one, I would immediately cry.
anyways...because I flirt whenever given the chance, I kept flirting with a friend as a joke. My friend actually liked me, and thought I was serious. They wanted to be in a relationship, and asked me if I wanted to be in one with them. I didn't know if it would hurt them or not if I declined, but I supposed it would since they got rejected many times, so I agreed to be in a relationship. I don't like that person. Only as friends.
A bit later, I heard about a weird story, and things happened. I don't want to talk about it cause I might get recognized and I honestly don't want my day to get worse.
Long story short, because I befriended that person, I have now lost the friend I care most about.
I know, i know..I shouldn't vent because of this..but do you even know how much that person meant to me? Nothing feels complete now.
This happened before, and what I did was pretend to be another person and talk to them on the internet..I usually go to extremes for friends..
I probably will do this again. I don't want to hurt them.
Plus, pretending to be another person is hard. I can't do it. I have to completely change myself if I want to do that..but I guess it's for a friend. So I shouldn't care about the consequences and procedures to talk to them and care about them.
I don't exactly know how to feel. Thing just feel incomplete.
When I make a friend, I just automatically set rules for myself, and how to feel towards that person.
- I will do anything they ask.
- I will always be there for them.
- I will do anything for them.
- I can't vent to them and make myself a burden.
- I can't talk back even if they disrespect me.
- I will always forgive them, no matter what they have done to me.
- If torturing and lying to me is that they want, I'll gladly let them do so.
- I can't hurt them.
No matter what I do, I bet nobody would ever want to be my friend.
I can't exactly keep a secret. I always try to.."help" them by telling others what they feel so that they can get help from other people. I am sometimes too...nosy...this is why they are sometimes scared. I can't help it. I'm just a control freak that "cares" about others...You know what everyone says. They always say that once you're manipulative and a control freak, you can't go back. I just want them to acknowledge that I care about them and I just sometimes feel left out.
I guess god made that person unfriend me because he knows I want the best for them. I guess this is karma, and the price I have to pay to let them be safe.