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self harm

the first time i cut myself was 5th grade. my friend told the principal who then told my mom and guessed what my mom did? nothing. she said it was bad and i shouldn’t do it. no comforting words or anything. i kept doing it for years until i got the help i needed 8th grade. at the beginning of 8th grade i was so alone and so depressed and was on the verge of suicide until i had the courage to tell someone. then i went to get a psych eval which led to me having a therapist and going on meds. i love my therapist, kim, she brings crafts for me to do and makes talking easier i just wish she’d give me more coping skills but to be fair i haven’t told her i want more coping skills. anyways, this year i fell wayyy deeper into depression and i’ve been having a really hard time with my anxiety so i cut again. it made me feel so good. just seeing the blood rush out and feeling that little second of pain. when i went to a mental hospital for a week my anxiety was through the roof so i would scratch myself, until i started to bleed. for some reason pain is the reason i’m alive. is that weird?

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Re: self harm

Please stop hurting yourself, it only makes your sadness worse and wont help you. I think you are depressed because of bad life, look up factors of happiness such as having good relationships with friends, strong bond with family, a love relationship, acheivement, staying away from social media etc. And work on building those things up and earning your happiness. Cutting will only make you feel worse and dig you in a deeper hole in the long run. Having anxiety means that you have good brain function, it means your brain can predict the future well and makes u act accordingly. Your sadness is probably due to bad life conditions and its telling u to change things. So pick yourself up and work on having a better life.