Hi , I’m struggling with something I struggled with for almost 3 years , masturbation . Before today I hadn’t I’m almost 9 months I want to repent and want to get closer to God, but didn’t realized it was still something I struggled with during these 9 months I juts ignored it and prayed and fasted ( it was easy during quarantine ) After quarantine when school started it got harder to pray I never had time and family memebers filled the house I never had enough space to pray as I like the seclusion of it , it got worse and I prayed less until one day I just stopped I wanted to start again but it got hard the guilt was eating me up and I even stopped reading my Bible . I would lie to myself a lot and keep blaming myself because it is my fault I should’ve tried harder I should’ve pushed and now I did something I regret and I can’t even think of praying I feel like I’ve betrayed him : I’ve had a lot of spiritual wars since birth I’ve struggled really have idek why I’m alive I’d be much better dead . And I can’t confess to anyone they’ll judge and my mom doesn’t listen ( my parents are basically divorced ) . It is my fault I fell in this if I hadn’t also entertained sexual thoughts all of this wouldn’t have happened , ik im a target to the evil ones , I knew since the start of my journey when the most sexual thoughts could pop up in my head during PRAYERS and I’d keep apologizing thinking it was me I had no one to talk to and now I’m here in tears writing this down . Help