Guilt stalks us all wearing a million masks and gliding through shadows scoffing with its kin. I see this figure wherever I go who hears my thoughts and listens to my conversing. I thought he was kind and would go away, but he’s the russet eyed scale skinned creep who’s sadly here to stay. One mistake is all it will take to draw this creature to you, he rips at my abdomen and chews on my flesh, that russet eyed creep is probably in you too. This letter I now write is to you who brings fright, I command that you leave me Now.I wonder at night as the melatonin creeps through my sanguine ridden stream, why do you, russet eyed scale skinned monster haunt my dreams and cloud my realities. Your creeping hormoned fingers constrict my thoughts. As you pull up my shirt and grasp the soft of my waist. As you rip the seams of my jeans, I feel the brush of a hand on my inner thigh. And what do I see? No, not a glimpse of hope to rescue me. You, russet eyed scale skinned monster still lay and crawl beneath my skin. You eat away my innocence. The square footage of my skin is a playground for you to dwell in. The crescent marks on my hips deepen as you dig into the secrets of my being. You butcher the impeccability of my childlike nature. Russet eyed scale skinned monster, you are why I am afraid. You are what prohibits me from gazing at my reflection to try to find something I admire. You are what sprouts purple and blue pigments upon my skin. You are what cracks my bones beneath iron fists. You are what pushes me back to my womb position as you continue to beat the idea of paradise out of me. You are the gentle grin of the boy sitting across from me because my mind couldn’t touch his real thoughts. You are what causes my heart to flutter just from a hand touching my cheek, yet you are also the stinging that strikes the other. You are the devil in the details as each remorseful memory brings a sweat to my brow. You are what’s crushed me. You carnage the joy I desire and massacre my morals. You’ve placed me in this rectangular box I have yet found how to open. And still as a shadow you find a way to push me while I’m down, or I fall in water and drown, and still you feel you have to come down and push my head deeper into the Depths. You rip the essence of me into shreds and leave who I’ve become to be feasted upon by your brethren. Although peter pan was able to rip through the strings attached to his shadow and him, I forever gnaw at the chains strapped around my ankles. Wherever I go you unclothe my contentment until it’s bare and flushed in the face. Russet eyed scale skinned beast you are why I loathe myself. Maybe God just has satirical ways, because each day I still call to you for comfort. You come to me with open arms, but that’s the catch. Your arms are razor blades splitting my skin. I look back at the endless timeline and implode at the thought of longer. It’s been years. Years of struggling with the fears and dealing with the tears. This baggage won’t just disappear. Shame grips hold of me as if I am the last source. This weight will forever be upon my shoulders. You have not left. You leave me crawling back to you. The tinge of your breath, the blaze of your skin, the clenching like a child grabbing its mother. Everything memorable without recognition. Destructible, fragile, and alone I’ll be. Running away from dragging myself back to you.I conclude this letter to you, russet eyed scale skinned demon, who has stripped me of my innocence. You clasp your hands around my throat to cease my cries for help. This facade I wear each day haunts me. A new person I place upon my face to hide my scorched cheeks. A new flesh I drape upon me to conceal the raging fire of hate that boils within. I still fall to my knees not knowing which God to pray to. Beating after beating, would you pick that of love or obedience? I beg for enlightenment. A craving stronger than that of the strongest drink to the most cracked and scraped drunk. You have made even the end to an existence pleasing. But for now at least I am still running. Still sprinting. I pray my endurance does not fade. You may have the upper hand russet eyed scale skinned demon, However, good for me and bad for you, each day is a little shorter. Each wound heals a little quicker. And each breath... each breath breathes a little easier.