Is it just me? Or am I alone, am I the only one who cries and sleeps all the time? Who gets too angry to stand up and fight, to even have the energy to help people..
I mean if you were to look at me, and see me walk my halls at school, you would see this pretty young girl, with blue eyes and brown shoulder length hair, you would see her with her chin tucked and her shoulders ducked and head looking down at the floor with loud sounding music.. Obeying others, not talking to anyone.. At lunch she sits in the library like you see in the shows and movies on the t.v. I am nice enough looking, I have my eyes to go off of.. I just always wish for things I know I will never ever be able to have.. I have only one to be honest, and we only talk over social media, I dont think we are ever going to meet or ever be more than those two people who talk over text and nothing more. I want a friend, I want someone I could go to the mall with, get your hair and nails done with.. If only I had just that one girl friend, that one person in my life I know I could always go to if I needed something like a hug or a good talk.. I have never really had any of that.
Ive always wanted that normal, "chick" life.. I have always wanted to be that girly girl, and be pretty and all of that.. But I am more a boy than a girl, I relate more to men then I ever could to a woman.. I mean, for heaven sakes I play as a wide receiver on my football team of all boys except me.. I love being sporty, I love wearing guy clothes and sports bras whenever I can.. I have never really used a push-up bra, or wear a thong, or wear anything flirtasious.. But for what it is worth I have always always wanted to.. I am only a junior in high school, I am really small only the height of 5'6, it makes it easier for me to get across the field in time to make a touchdown without someone tackling me to the floor, I love that..
But ive always wanted to be that short girl, with the tall boyfriend, and the cute dates and the pretty clothing, and the nice body,,
But its okay, I will just be that girl you see in the hall, wearing a t-shirt and basketball shorts..
I mean fuck it.. I will never ever have any of things.. But sometimes, its nice to go into your imagination and wish for the shit you will never have.. I mean shit