Should I stay or should I go?

Time Spent- 1h 58m
33 Visitors

I have been married for almost 26 years, happily for most of them. I have cheated on my husband numerous times; he knows and has forgiven me every time. The affairs were primarily physical; I never intended to leave him for any of them. I honestly thought my cheating days were over until I posted a question in a word game Facebook group that was answered by an older gentleman and we struck up an online friendship. After only about 10 days of constant communication, we were madly in love. He was already in the process of divorcing his wife and planning to move out west. He asked me to come with him. I love my husband, but our sex life has been an uphill battle ever since he found out I cheated the first time. In 20 years, I have never initiated sex with him. And I reject his advances constantly. I am the love of his life. He has never been with another woman. I have told him I intend to leave him to be with this other man who is 14 years older than me. Needless to say, he is not taking it well. My new friend traveled to where I live and we spent the week together in a hotel room. It was everything we hoped it would be. I am more than ever committed to leaving my husband for this man, but our love has caused so much pain and anguish. How can we possibly be happy knowing the damage we leave in our wake? My family loves my husband and will never understand how I could leave him. I haven’t told anyone anything yet. I guess I’m holding out hope that I will come to my senses. I am 51 and my new man is 65. The age difference is very troubling to me. Although he is a very healthy, strong, robust 65, and looks younger, I worry that he will be frail and decrepit before too long. I too look younger than my age, so it only serves to make us look more mismatched. My husband would probably take me back, but how long until I cheat again? This new man is a retired lawyer and challenges me in ways my husband never could. Intellectually. Philosophically. Emotionally. I am a better person when I’m around him. I haven’t been proud to be seen with my husband since before covid. He has started losing weight since this all started 3 months ago, which is a plus. I just need to decide whose heart I am willing to break and who will I be the happiest with. I have no idea what to do. We don’t have kids, so they are not a concern. I am hopeful and look forward to the future with this new man. I can be happy if I stay with my husband, but I am not as optimistic. I don’t know what to do!