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shouldn't he be my hero?

umm i dont know how to say this. it feels wrong, but at the same time it feels right to let something out. maybe someone can tell me if i am just crazy for feeling this way or maybe i am not the only one who would be hurt.

i have always had the mindset that close family would never hurt each other. so then i wondered why i would always be hurt by my dad's words or his careless acting. i've kept it to myself for years and just enjoyed the happy memories because he's my dad and everyone else thinks he's the best. so why would his daughter think that something is wrong? i have come to a point where i thought he just liked to say random things to me. like call me a stoner when i have never done drugs. an imbecile or useless as i was helping him do whatever he asked me to. stupid for going to a little dinner that he had given me permission to go to and was literally down the street. i feel like i am just less to him but don't know what to do. sucks because my mom just lets it happen as if she is scared to defend her daughter so whats even left at this point. he takes his anger out on me. bet he has no idea i cry myself to sleep and he is the reason why. he makes me feel like everything i do is wrong though i have good grades, rarely drink as a teen, don't do drugs, don't go out all the time and when i do want to its usually always somehow a no. i feel like he just puts an image for the outside world but i just feel crazy for possibly thinking this. could his words really mean something?

i feel broken.

i feel trapped in a place where right when i think i am actually going somewhere, something just knocks me right down.

i love him, yet i hate him at the same exact time