Hey ! I guess now i'm gonna start jotting my feelings down so that other people can judge me by what and how i feel . I am 15 , almost 16 in 2 months or so but , i can't seem to shake off this feeling of disappointment in myself . I'm not "bad" at studies but even when i feel like i did good on an exam or a test , my parents succeed in convincing me otherwise . I feel like a burden to everyone around me . I feel like things would've been better if i was never born in the first place . But i guess it's never too late to stop existing . I am almost sure no one's gonna cry at my funeral . The pseudo friends i have call me depressed whenever i talk about feeling sad . I've only told 2 people about my cousin trying to touch me weirdly whenever i go to sleep . One of those people told me it wasn't that big a deal cause at least he didn't rape me . Both of these people are actually random people i met on the internet cause i don't have the guts to tell anyone i do know about this . I'm scared of what they'll say . I don't wanna break my family apart . The cousin I'm talking about is my mom's sister's kid so my mom gives him every ounce of her love . I feel like crying every time my siblings say why are you being so distant ? Like I would want to be around a person constantly trying to touch me . I used to have a best friend to talk to , about this shit ( again a random person from the internet ) but i found out he doesn't wanna be friends with me anymore cause i'm not that interesting a person . I feel like a desperate piece of ( uhm..you know ) cause he now talks to me only since i have no one else to talk to . I'm sorry if all of this made you cringe . I know my problems aren't huge and it was stupid of me to write this all in the first place but , i......don't know . Did i forget to mention that i think i have anxiety since i feel suffocated and want to cry every time i go outside or to places where people are ? I did'nt bother to tell my mom all this cause she's working and will probably tell me to shut up and go study .
Thanks for listening to me ranting about my feelings