I’m depressed. And have been fighting to find myself since 2017. That’s when the depression hit heavy. The year before (2017) I had an abortion and it was pretty traumatic as I almost died having the procedure. It was supposed to take 15 minutes and it ended up taking a few hours. After the abortion, I kind of just went on with life as usual. But a year later, (2017) is when life started falling apart. My grandma was diagnosed with cancer and then suddenly died. The 1 year anniversary of the abortion had passed. I got my heart broke and I pretty much have not been the same since. Fast forward to this year (2020), I have probably now had my heart broken for the 4th/5th time idk at this point I’m losing track. I have never had a boyfriend in my life which is crazy that yet here I am still getting my heart broke by THE same person. I am struggling with depression and PTSD AND the fear of never having a baby again. I think about dying quite often because living is beginning to be something I’m not sure I can even handle. I was such a happy until 2017. I cannot find myself and I’m starting to give up and really don’t have fight left in me. I sometimes fantasize about jumping off my balcony. I’m always sad and I don’t know how to get out of it. I put on a great front at work, church, and etc but I’m sad.
Letting it all out brings relief... Even if you don't have any one in the outside world to talk to,you have an anonymous family here... An anonymous person somewhere in the world knows how you feel and he cares for you....when you loose one reason to live,try to dig out another reason cause there are thousands of reasons to stay alive all we have to do is get busy finding those reasons out
Remember an idle soul is the devil's workshop,get your mind busy and there won't be space for thoughts of death.